MomSkoop
Confidence isn’t just about how you feel inside—it’s also about how others see you. Sometimes, small everyday habits can accidentally make you appear less sure of yourself, even when you’re actually strong and capable.
Understanding these behaviors can help you recognize them and make changes that let your true confidence shine through.
1. Apologizing Excessively
Ever catch yourself saying sorry for things that aren’t even problems?
Many people use the word as a verbal habit, almost like punctuation.
When you apologize for taking up space, asking questions, or simply existing in a room, it sends a message that you’re unsure of your right to be there.
This habit can make others question your authority or capability, even when you’re completely qualified.
Real apologies matter and carry weight.
Save them for actual mistakes, and replace unnecessary ones with phrases like “thank you for waiting” or simply state what you need without the sorry prefix.
2. Speaking Too Softly or Quickly
Your voice carries your message, but volume and pace affect how people receive it.
Speaking barely above a whisper makes listeners work harder to hear you, which can translate to them thinking your ideas aren’t worth the effort.
Racing through your words suggests nervousness or that you don’t believe what you’re saying deserves time and attention.
Both patterns undermine even the smartest contributions.
Practice projecting from your diaphragm rather than your throat, and pause between thoughts.
Slowing down actually makes you sound more authoritative and gives your words the space they deserve to land with impact.
3. Overusing Qualifiers
Softening language might feel polite, but it waters down your message considerably.
Phrases like “I could be wrong” or “This is probably silly, but” act as escape hatches before you’ve even made your point.
They tell listeners not to take you seriously because you’re already doubting yourself.
This linguistic cushioning becomes a shield against potential criticism, but it also shields your ideas from being heard clearly.
Try stating your thoughts directly first. If discussion reveals flaws, you can adjust then.
Starting strong doesn’t mean being inflexible—it means respecting your own perspective enough to present it without pre-emptive apology.
4. Avoiding Eye Contact
Eyes truly are windows, and where you direct yours matters more than you might think.
Looking away, studying the floor, or focusing on objects instead of faces can read as discomfort or dishonesty, even when you’re simply being thoughtful or respectful.
Different cultures have varying eye contact norms, but in many professional Western settings, avoiding someone’s gaze suggests you have something to hide or lack conviction.
You don’t need to stare intensely—that’s uncomfortable too.
Aim for natural, warm eye contact that shows you’re present and engaged.
Practice with friends or in low-stakes situations until it feels more natural and less intimidating.
5. Fidgeting or Closed-Off Body Language
Your body speaks volumes before you open your mouth.
Crossed arms create a literal barrier between you and others, signaling defensiveness or discomfort.
Constantly touching your hair, face, or jewelry broadcasts nervous energy.
Shrinking your physical presence by hunching shoulders or making yourself smaller suggests you’re trying not to be noticed.
These movements often happen unconsciously when you’re anxious or uncertain.
Becoming aware is the first step toward change.
Stand or sit with an open posture—shoulders back, hands visible and relaxed.
Taking up appropriate space isn’t aggressive; it’s simply claiming your rightful presence in any room or conversation.
6. Downplaying Achievements
Humility has its place, but constantly minimizing your accomplishments does you no favors.
When someone compliments your work and you respond with “Oh, it was nothing” or “I just got lucky,” you’re actively teaching them to undervalue your contributions.
This habit often stems from not wanting to appear boastful, but there’s a massive difference between obnoxious bragging and gracefully acknowledging your hard work paid off.
Try responding with “Thank you, I worked really hard on that” or “I appreciate you noticing.”
Owning your success doesn’t diminish others—it simply gives credit where it’s genuinely due and helps others recognize your true capabilities.
7. Letting Others Interrupt Without Redirecting
Interruptions happen, but your response to them shapes how people value your voice.
Allowing someone to talk over you and simply accepting it sends the signal that what you were saying wasn’t important anyway.
This pattern teaches others that your contributions are optional or disposable.
While some personalities naturally defer to avoid conflict, consistent silence when interrupted gradually erodes your presence in conversations.
Politely but firmly reclaim your space: “I wasn’t finished” or “Let me complete my thought” works perfectly.
You can even use humor: “Hold that thought—I want to finish this point first.”
Standing your ground doesn’t make you rude; it establishes that your perspective deserves to be heard completely.
8. Overexplaining or Over-Justifying
Sometimes less truly is more, especially when it comes to explaining your decisions.
Providing elaborate backstories, multiple reasons, and detailed justifications for simple choices suggests you don’t trust your own judgment or fear others won’t accept it without extensive proof.
This habit often stems from anticipating criticism, so you build a defensive case before anyone even questions you.
Confident people state decisions clearly and answer questions if asked, but they don’t pre-emptively defend every choice.
Practice giving straightforward answers without the supporting essay.
“I chose this approach because it’s most efficient” works better than a ten-minute explanation covering every alternative you considered and rejected.
9. Deferring Automatically to Others
Always being the accommodating one might seem kind, but it can actually hide your personality and preferences.
Constantly responding with “I don’t care” or “Whatever you prefer” when decisions arise makes you seem passive or indecisive, even if you genuinely are flexible.
Over time, people stop asking your opinion because they assume you don’t have one.
This automatic deference can stem from wanting to keep peace or avoid judgment, but it ultimately makes you fade into the background.
Start voicing preferences on small things—where to eat, which project approach to take.
Having opinions doesn’t mean being inflexible; it means showing up as a full participant in your own life.
10. Avoiding Asking for What They Want
Not asking is a guaranteed way to not receive.
Whether it’s requesting a raise you’ve earned, asking for help with an overwhelming project, seeking clarity on confusing instructions, or simply needing personal space, staying silent about your needs makes others assume you’re content with the status quo.
This avoidance often comes from fear of rejection, seeming demanding, or being perceived as difficult.
Here’s the reality: people can’t read minds, and they often respect clear, reasonable requests.
Practice framing asks confidently: “I’d like to discuss my compensation” or “I need clarification on these expectations.”
Advocating for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential for getting what you deserve and need.