MomSkoop
We all mean well when we try to comfort someone or offer advice. But some phrases that sound supportive actually make people feel worse.
Words have power, and what seems like a helpful comment can accidentally dismiss someone’s feelings or shut down honest conversation. Understanding which phrases miss the mark helps us communicate with more kindness and authenticity.
1. Everything happens for a reason
Usually said right after something terrible happens, this phrase tries to find meaning in pain. The problem? Sometimes awful things occur without any grand cosmic plan behind them. A car accident, a job loss, or a health crisis doesn’t always come with a lesson attached.
When someone is hurting, they need empathy and understanding, not philosophical explanations. Telling them there’s a hidden reason can feel dismissive of their very real suffering. Instead of searching for silver linings, simply being present and listening makes a much bigger difference.
2. It could be worse
Technically, this statement is always true. There’s always a worse scenario somewhere in the world. But pain isn’t a competition, and someone’s struggle doesn’t need to rank high in the Sad Olympics to deserve acknowledgment.
This phrase invalidates what the person is experiencing right now. It suggests their feelings aren’t justified unless things are absolutely terrible. Imagine breaking your arm and hearing, “At least it’s not both arms!” Not exactly comforting, right?
Everyone’s pain is real and valid, regardless of how it compares to others. Meeting someone where they are emotionally shows true understanding and support.
3. Just stay positive!
This phrase suggests that negative emotions are wrong or weak instead of being perfectly human and necessary. Sadness, anger, and disappointment all serve important purposes in processing life’s challenges.
Forcing positivity when someone is genuinely struggling creates pressure to hide their true feelings. It makes them feel guilty for not being happy, which only adds another layer of stress.
Sometimes people don’t need a pep talk or sunshine—they need permission to feel what they’re feeling.
4. At least…
At least you had time together. At least you still have your job. At least it wasn’t worse. This tiny phrase packs a big punch of minimization. It immediately shifts focus away from someone’s legitimate pain toward some supposed bright side they should be grateful for.
When you’re grieving or struggling, having someone point out silver linings feels dismissive rather than helpful. It suggests you’re wrong to feel bad because something good still exists somewhere in the situation.
5. Time heals all wounds
Time certainly helps with healing, but it’s not a magical cure-all that works automatically. Real healing requires active effort, self-reflection, processing emotions, and sometimes professional help like therapy or counseling.
This phrase can make people feel pressured to “get over” their pain on some invisible timeline. Everyone heals at their own pace, and some wounds leave permanent scars that we learn to live with rather than erase completely.
Healing is a journey with ups and downs, not a passive waiting game. Acknowledging someone’s ongoing struggle shows more compassion than promising relief.
6. It is what it is
Sometimes this phrase represents genuine acceptance of unchangeable circumstances, which can be healthy. But more often, it’s a conversation-ender that shuts down real discussion or problem-solving before it even starts.
When someone shares a concern and hears this response, it feels like you don’t care enough to engage meaningfully. It’s lazy communication that avoids the harder work of listening, empathizing, or brainstorming solutions together.
True acceptance comes after exploring options and processing emotions, not as a shortcut around them. If something genuinely can’t change, at least acknowledge the difficulty before resigning to it.
7. You’ll understand when you’re older
Translation: I don’t feel like explaining myself right now. This phrase is condescending rather than insightful, and it shuts down natural curiosity immediately. Young people deserve thoughtful explanations, not dismissive brush-offs disguised as wisdom.
Using age as an excuse to avoid real conversation suggests their questions and concerns don’t matter enough for a proper answer. It creates distance instead of connection and teaches kids that adults won’t take their thoughts seriously.
Even complex topics can be explained in age-appropriate ways. Taking time to answer questions builds trust and shows respect, regardless of someone’s age or life experience.
8. You’re overthinking it
This phrase dismisses someone’s mental process instead of trying to understand what’s driving their concerns. Anxiety and deep thinking aren’t choices people make for fun—they’re often automatic responses to stress or past experiences.
Rather than shutting someone down with this comment, ask why they’re thinking so deeply about the situation. Understanding their perspective opens up real conversation and might reveal legitimate concerns you hadn’t considered yourself.
9. Calm down
Ah yes, the magical phrase that has never, in the entire history of human language, actually made anyone calm down. Ever. In fact, it usually has the opposite effect, escalating emotions rather than soothing them.
Telling someone to calm down dismisses the legitimacy of their feelings and implies they’re overreacting. It shifts blame to their emotional response instead of addressing whatever caused the upset in the first place.
People generally know they’re worked up—they need help processing why, not commands to stop feeling.
10. Don’t take it personally
If someone’s words or actions affect another person’s feelings, job, relationships, or self-esteem, then yes—it is personal, regardless of intent.
This phrase asks people to disconnect from their natural emotional responses and often lets the speaker avoid accountability for their impact. Intent matters, but so does effect. You can’t control how your words land on someone else, but you can own the outcome.
A better approach? Acknowledge the hurt caused and apologize if needed. Taking responsibility for your impact shows maturity and respect, even when harm wasn’t intended.
11. Good vibes only
Real life includes all kinds of vibes—joy, sadness, anger, fear, excitement, and everything in between. Pretending only happiness is acceptable makes people with struggles feel invisible and unwelcome.
This phrase can shut down authentic sharing and force everyone to wear fake smiles. It suggests that negative emotions are problems to hide rather than normal human experiences to process together.
Creating space for all emotions builds deeper, more meaningful relationships than surface-level positivity ever could.