MomSkoop
As we grow up and build our own lives, we sometimes forget how our actions affect our parents. They raised us, supported our dreams, and sacrificed for our happiness. Yet now, in our busy adult lives, we might unknowingly cause them pain. Understanding these common blind spots can help us build better relationships with the people who gave us life.
1. Not Calling or Visiting Enough
Parents mark time by their children’s calls and visits. When weeks pass without hearing your voice, they wonder if you’re okay, if they did something wrong, or if you simply don’t need them anymore.
Many older parents live for these connections, planning their days around potential visits or calls. They understand you’re busy, but your absence creates a void nothing else can fill.
Even a quick five-minute call can brighten their entire week. They rarely complain about this directly because they don’t want to burden you, making this hurt particularly invisible.
2. Dismissing Their Advice
Remember that time your mom suggested a solution to your problem and you rolled your eyes? Your parents accumulated decades of life experience before you were even born. When you quickly brush off their suggestions with “That’s outdated” or “Things are different now,” it stings.
For parents, offering advice isn’t about controlling you. It’s one of the few ways they can still protect you and feel needed in your life.
You don’t have to take every piece of advice, but listening respectfully acknowledges their wisdom. A simple “I’ll think about that” preserves their dignity and your independence.
3. Forgetting Special Dates
Your mom still remembers the exact time you were born and what you wore on your first day of school. Parents treasure these memories and the special dates that mark their journey with you. When you forget their birthday or anniversary, it feels like forgetting a piece of your shared history.
The hurt deepens when they see you remembering other occasions or friends’ celebrations on social media. Technology makes remembering easier than ever, yet paradoxically, we seem to forget more.
Set calendar reminders for their important dates. A thoughtful message or small gesture shows you value not just them, but the life you’ve shared together.
4. Being Impatient or Short-Tempered
“Mom, I already told you how to use that app!” Sound familiar? As parents age, they may need more time to process new information or complete tasks. Your impatience cuts deeper than you realize.
Remember when they patiently taught you to tie your shoes, repeating the same instructions dozens of times? They never made you feel inadequate for not getting it immediately.
When you sigh heavily or speak in that irritated tone, they notice. They feel embarrassed, burdensome, and acutely aware of their own limitations. Taking a deep breath before responding could preserve their dignity and your relationship.
5. Taking Their Help for Granted
Your parents drop everything to babysit your kids, lend you money for that security deposit, or help you move—again. They do it gladly, but when their generosity becomes expected rather than appreciated, it transforms from joy to obligation.
Many parents will never stop supporting their children, regardless of age. However, assuming they’ll always be available or financially able to help without proper acknowledgment slowly erodes their sense of value.
Next time they help, look them in the eye and thank them specifically for what they did and how it made a difference. Reciprocate when possible, even in small ways that show you don’t just take—you also give.
6. Not Asking About Their Lives
“How are the kids?” Your mom asks, genuinely interested in every detail of your children’s lives. Twenty minutes later, the conversation ends without you ever asking about her day, her health, or her interests.
Parents often become supporting characters in their adult children’s stories. They celebrate your promotions and vacations while their own lives remain undiscussed.
Your parents have hobbies, friendships, worries, and triumphs too. They’re still growing and changing, not just aging. Ask specific questions about their activities or interests. The sparkle in their eyes when talking about their own lives will show you what you’ve been missing.
7. Ignoring Their Health Concerns
“It’s probably nothing, Dad. You worry too much.” Those dismissive words might seem reassuring in the moment, but they invalidate very real concerns. Your parents’ bodies are changing, and new symptoms can be frightening.
Many older adults already hesitate to “bother” their busy children with health worries. When you minimize these concerns, you unintentionally teach them their wellbeing isn’t worth discussing.
Listen attentively when they mention health issues. Ask follow-up questions and encourage appropriate medical care. Even if you think they’re overreacting, remember that acknowledging their concerns shows you value their quality of life and want them around as long as possible.
8. Comparing Them to Others
“Sarah’s parents paid for her entire wedding.” “Jim’s dad still mows his lawn at 80!” Comparisons might seem innocent, but they land like daggers in parents’ hearts. Each family has different circumstances, abilities, and resources.
Your parents likely gave you the very best they could with what they had. When you highlight how other parents do more, give more, or achieve more, you invalidate their efforts and sacrifices.
Instead of comparing, appreciate what makes your parents uniquely valuable. Maybe they couldn’t afford expensive gifts but gave incredible emotional support.
9. Not Sharing Achievements or Good News
Your parents cheered your first steps, celebrated your graduation, and bragged about your accomplishments to anyone who would listen. Now you’ve received a promotion, bought a house, or achieved a personal milestone—and forgotten to tell them.
Finding out about your big news through social media or other family members feels like watching a party they weren’t invited to.
Many parents measure their success by their children’s happiness and achievements. Sharing your victories with them isn’t bragging—it’s allowing them to experience the joy of seeing their life’s work flourish. Make them among the first to know when something good happens.
10. Criticizing Their Choices or Lifestyle
“Why do you still live in this old house?” “You should really update your wardrobe.” Comments about their living situation, hobbies, or appearance might seem helpful, but they often translate to: “The way you live isn’t good enough.”
Your parents have earned the right to live as they choose. What looks outdated to you might represent comfort, practicality, or cherished memories to them.
Before suggesting changes, consider whether the issue truly affects their wellbeing or just doesn’t align with your aesthetic preferences. Respect their autonomy as you want yours respected.
11. Making Them Feel Like a Burden
“Don’t worry about visiting this weekend, I know it’s out of your way.” Parents often downplay their needs to avoid inconveniencing you. They notice your subtle cues—checking your watch during visits, sighing when they ask for help, or mentioning how busy you are.
Your parents spent decades putting your needs first. Now, as roles gradually reverse, they fear becoming the thing parents dread most: a burden on their children.
Be mindful of your reactions when they need assistance or companionship. Phrases like “I’m happy to help” or “I’ve been looking forward to seeing you” reassure them of their place in your life. Remember, they’re not an obligation—they’re the reason you exist.