MomSkoop
When narcissists sense they’re losing control over you, they often turn to sneaky tricks to pull you back in. These mind games can leave you confused, hurt, and questioning your own reality. Understanding these tactics is the first step toward protecting yourself and breaking free from their toxic influence.
1. Gaslighting
Ever been told you’re remembering things wrong when you know you’re right? Narcissists twist facts and deny events to make you doubt your own memory. They might swear they never said something hurtful, even when you clearly heard it.
This tactic makes you feel crazy and unsure of yourself. Over time, you start relying on them to tell you what’s real and what’s not. That’s exactly what they want—total control over your sense of reality.
Trust your gut feelings and keep records of important conversations. Your memories are valid, no matter what they claim.
2. Projection
Narcissists love blaming you for things they’re actually doing themselves. Cheating on you? They’ll accuse you of being unfaithful. Acting selfishly? Suddenly you’re the selfish one in their story.
This deflection keeps the spotlight off their bad behavior. You end up defending yourself instead of addressing their actual problems. It’s exhausting and confusing because the accusations seem to come out of nowhere.
When someone constantly accuses you of their own behaviors, that’s projection. Recognizing this pattern helps you stop taking responsibility for their actions and see the truth clearly.
3. Silent Treatment
Nothing hurts quite like being completely ignored by someone you care about. Narcissists use silence as a weapon to punish you for not doing what they want. They disappear without explanation, leaving you desperate for any contact.
This cruel tactic makes you panic and chase after them. You might apologize for things you didn’t even do, just to end the painful silence. That’s their goal—making you beg for their attention.
Healthy relationships involve communication, not punishment through silence. If someone regularly shuts you out, they’re showing you manipulation, not love.
4. Love Bombing Returns
Remember those amazing early days when they showered you with attention and gifts? When narcissists feel you pulling away, they bring back that intense affection. Suddenly they’re texting constantly, buying presents, and making grand romantic gestures.
This feels wonderful after a period of coldness or cruelty. You think maybe they’ve finally changed and things will be different now. Unfortunately, this is just a trap to reel you back in.
Once they feel secure again, the bad behavior returns. Real change requires consistent effort over time, not just temporary bursts of sweetness when they’re afraid of losing you.
5. Triangulation
Narcissists love bringing other people into your relationship to create drama and jealousy. They might constantly mention an ex, flirt with someone in front of you, or compare you unfavorably to others. This three-person dynamic keeps you feeling insecure.
You end up competing for their attention and approval. The constant comparisons make you work harder to prove you’re good enough. Meanwhile, they enjoy the power of having multiple people fighting over them.
Healthy partners don’t pit you against others. If someone’s always making you feel like you’re in competition, they’re playing games with your emotions.
6. Blame-Shifting
Nothing is ever a narcissist’s fault, or so they’d have you believe. When they mess up, they somehow make it your responsibility. You caused them to yell by being annoying. You made them lie by asking too many questions.
This twisted logic puts you in an impossible position. You’re constantly apologizing and trying to fix problems you didn’t create. They never take accountability for their choices or actions.
Adults are responsible for their own behavior, period. Nobody can make someone else act cruelly or dishonestly. When someone refuses to own their mistakes, that’s a major red flag worth paying attention to.
7. Hoovering
Named after the vacuum cleaner brand, hoovering is when narcissists try to suck you back into their lives. After you’ve left or created distance, they suddenly appear with apologies, promises to change, or emergencies that need your help.
They know exactly which buttons to push. Maybe they send a song that reminds you of good times, or they claim they’re in crisis and you’re the only one who understands. These tactics prey on your compassion and memories.
True change happens quietly over months, not in dramatic declarations when they want something. Stay strong and remember why you left in the first place.
8. Isolating You
Narcissists don’t want you having strong connections outside the relationship. They criticize your friends, create conflicts with your family, or make you feel guilty for spending time with others. Slowly, your support system shrinks.
Without other perspectives, you only have their version of reality. Your friends and family would spot the red flags, so the narcissist works hard to cut them out. Isolation makes you completely dependent on the narcissist.
Healthy partners encourage your outside relationships. Anyone who consistently tries to separate you from loved ones is displaying controlling, dangerous behavior that should never be tolerated or excused.
9. Creating Uncertainty
One day they love you, the next day they’re distant. They make plans then cancel without explanation. Their mood swings keep you constantly off-balance, never knowing what to expect. This unpredictability is intentional, not accidental.
When you can’t predict their behavior, you stay alert and focused on them. You walk on eggshells trying not to trigger their bad moods. The instability keeps you too confused to think clearly about leaving.
Consistency is a cornerstone of trust. Relationships should provide security, not constant anxiety about where you stand. Mixed signals are manipulation tactics designed to keep you hooked and guessing.
10. Playing the Victim
Narcissists are masters at flipping the script to make themselves look like the injured party. When you confront their bad behavior, suddenly they’re the one who’s been hurt. Their tears and dramatic stories make you feel guilty for even bringing up problems.
This tactic is incredibly effective because kind people naturally want to comfort someone in pain. You drop your concerns to soothe them instead. Before you know it, you’re apologizing to the person who hurt you.
Real victims don’t constantly use their suffering to avoid accountability. Genuine hurt doesn’t erase bad behavior or make it acceptable to harm others repeatedly.
11. Future Faking
They paint beautiful pictures of your future together—the wedding, the house, the adventures you’ll have. These promises feel so real and exciting that you ignore current problems. Surely things will improve when all those wonderful plans come true, right?
Except those plans never actually happen. The promises are just words designed to keep you hopeful and hanging on. Narcissists use your dreams against you, dangling them like carrots to maintain control.
Actions matter far more than words. Someone who truly wants a future with you takes concrete steps toward those goals, not just talking about someday while treating you poorly today.
12. Smear Campaigns
When narcissists sense you’re leaving, they often start spreading lies about you to friends, family, and coworkers. They paint themselves as the victim of your terrible behavior. This preemptive strike damages your reputation and support system.
People who only hear their side might believe the false stories. You find yourself defending your character and losing relationships you valued. The narcissist controls the narrative before you even have a chance to speak your truth.
Those who truly know you will question one-sided stories. Real friends investigate rather than immediately believing gossip. Time usually reveals the truth, though the process can be painfully slow and frustrating.