MomSkoop
Have you ever felt confused after a conversation with someone, questioning your own memory or feelings? Narcissists have a special toolkit of mind tricks that twist reality to fit their needs.
Understanding these tactics can help you protect yourself and trust your own experiences. Let’s explore the sneaky ways narcissists rewrite what’s real.
1. Gaslighting
Imagine someone telling you that a conversation you clearly remember never happened. Gaslighting makes you doubt your own mind by denying facts or twisting events.
Narcissists use this trick to gain control over your sense of reality. They might insist you said something you didn’t or claim an event occurred differently than you recall.
Over time, constant gaslighting erodes your confidence in your own memory. You start second-guessing yourself and relying on the narcissist’s version of events. Recognizing this pattern is the first step to protecting your mental clarity and trusting yourself again.
2. Selective Memory
A narcissist promises to help with your project, but when you bring it up later, they act like the conversation never existed. This convenient forgetting erases their commitments whenever it suits them.
They remember details that benefit them perfectly but develop amnesia about promises or agreements that require effort. This selective recall keeps you off balance and frustrated.
You might feel like you’re going crazy, constantly reminding them of things they swore they’d do. Document important conversations and agreements to protect yourself from this manipulative memory game.
3. Blame-Shifting
When caught doing something wrong, narcissists perform a magic trick: suddenly, you’re the problem. Blame-shifting turns every confrontation into an accusation against you instead.
You approach them about hurtful behavior, but within minutes, you’re apologizing for things you didn’t even do. They twist the conversation so skillfully that you forget your original concern.
This tactic protects them from accountability while making you feel guilty. Learning to stay focused on the original issue helps you avoid falling into this trap and maintains healthy boundaries in relationships.
4. Projection
Ever notice how cheaters often accuse their partners of cheating? Projection happens when narcissists take their own flaws and pin them on you like a badge you never earned.
They might call you selfish while demanding all your attention. They accuse you of lying when they’re the ones being dishonest. This psychological trick deflects attention from their behavior.
By making you defend yourself against false accusations, they avoid examining their own actions. Understanding projection helps you see through these baseless claims and recognize what truly belongs to whom in the relationship dynamic.
5. Rewriting History
Narcissists act like editors of a movie, cutting and rearranging scenes until the story favors them completely. They change how past events happened to paint themselves as heroes or victims.
That argument where they yelled at you? In their retelling, you started it and they stayed perfectly calm. The vacation they ruined becomes a story about how ungrateful you were.
This reality-reframing confuses everyone who witnessed the actual events. Keep your own records and trust your experience, even when someone insists their fictional version is the truth that should be believed.
6. Minimizing Your Feelings
Your feelings are valid, but narcissists treat them like annoying insects to swat away. Minimizing makes your legitimate concerns seem silly or overdramatic.
You express hurt about something important, and they roll their eyes, saying you’re too sensitive or can’t take a joke. They trivialize your emotions until you feel embarrassed for even bringing them up.
This cruel tactic teaches you to silence yourself and accept poor treatment without complaint. Your emotions deserve respect and acknowledgment. Anyone who consistently dismisses your feelings doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
7. Changing Goal-Posts
One day wearing red is fine; the next day, they’re furious you chose that color. Narcissists constantly move the rules, creating confusion that keeps you anxiously trying to please them.
What they praised yesterday becomes wrong today with no explanation. You can never predict what will upset them because the standards shift like sand beneath your feet.
This contradictory messaging isn’t accidental—it’s designed to keep you off balance and focused on their approval. Healthy relationships have consistent expectations, not ever-changing rules that serve someone’s control needs.
8. Triangulation
Narcissists love bringing a third person into conflicts to strengthen their position and weaken yours. They might compare you unfavorably to others or get someone to take their side.
Suddenly, your disagreement isn’t just between two people anymore. They’ve recruited an audience or ally, making you feel outnumbered and wrong. This divide-and-conquer strategy isolates you from support.
They might say things like, “Everyone agrees with me” or “Even your friend thinks you’re overreacting.” Recognize when someone uses others as weapons instead of resolving issues directly and honestly between you both.
9. Future-Faking
They paint beautiful pictures of tomorrow—trips you’ll take, commitments they’ll make, changes they promise to implement. Future-faking dangles dreams that never become reality.
These grand promises keep you invested and hopeful, waiting for a future that stays permanently out of reach. The narcissist has no intention of following through; they just need you to stay engaged now.
Months or years pass with the same promises recycled and repackaged. Pay attention to actions rather than words, and notice when someone’s promises consistently evaporate like morning fog that never materializes into rain.
10. Playing Victim
No matter what they’ve done, narcissists flip the script to become the injured party deserving sympathy. Playing victim allows them to escape accountability while gaining attention and support.
They hurt you, but somehow they’re crying about how you’ve wronged them. This reversal is disorienting and effective at shutting down legitimate complaints about their behavior.
People rally around the supposed victim, leaving you looking like the bad guy. This moral escape hatch lets them avoid responsibility while painting you as cruel. See through the performance and recognize genuine victimhood versus manipulation.
11. Stonewalling
Silence becomes a weapon when narcissists shut down all communication to punish you. Stonewalling creates anxiety and desperation as you’re left without explanation or resolution.
They stop responding to messages, give you the silent treatment, or refuse to discuss important issues. This emotional withdrawal controls you through absence rather than presence.
You find yourself apologizing just to end the painful silence, even when you’ve done nothing wrong. This punishment tactic trains you to avoid bringing up problems. Healthy communication doesn’t involve weaponized silence or withholding basic respect and acknowledgment.
12. Cherry-Picking Information
Narcissists present carefully selected facts while hiding crucial details that would reveal the full picture. Cherry-picking creates a false narrative that supports their agenda perfectly.
They tell you part of the story—the part that makes them look good—while conveniently omitting everything that would change your understanding. This selective disclosure manipulates your perception without technically lying.
You make decisions based on incomplete information, only discovering the hidden pieces later when it’s too late. Demand full transparency and notice when someone consistently leaves out important context that would alter the entire situation’s meaning.