MomSkoop
Have you ever met someone who always seems to be fishing for praise, even when they pretend not to care? Narcissists have mastered the art of getting compliments without directly asking for them. They use sneaky tricks that make you feel like you have to say something nice, even when you don’t really want to. Understanding these tactics can help you recognize when someone is manipulating you for attention and protect yourself from their emotional games.
1. Humblebragging
Some people complain about their success in a way that sounds like a problem, but really they just want you to notice how amazing they are. When someone says something like, “Ugh, I barely slept because everyone kept calling me for help at work,” they’re not really upset. They want you to respond with praise about how important and needed they are.
This trick works because it sounds like they’re sharing a struggle. But the real goal is to get you to say, “Wow, you must be so good at your job!” Pay attention when complaints sound more like brags in disguise.
The key is recognizing that genuine complaints don’t highlight achievements. Real frustration focuses on the problem, not on showcasing skills or popularity in the process.
2. Fake Self-Criticism
Watch out for people who insult themselves just to hear you disagree. Someone might say, “I look terrible today. I’m so gross,” while clearly expecting you to jump in with reassurance. This isn’t real insecurity—it’s a setup for compliments.
The person saying this already knows they don’t look bad. They’re creating an opportunity for you to shower them with praise and tell them how great they actually look. It puts you in an awkward position where you feel obligated to respond.
Genuine self-criticism is private and doesn’t demand a response. When someone publicly puts themselves down in front of you, especially repeatedly, they’re likely fishing for validation rather than expressing true concern about their appearance or abilities.
3. Comparison Bait
Ever heard someone say, “Everyone else here is so boring compared to me”? That’s comparison bait in action. The narcissist puts down others while positioning themselves as superior, waiting for you to agree with their self-assessment.
This tactic is particularly manipulative because it combines criticism of others with self-praise. The person expects you to respond by confirming that yes, they are indeed the most interesting, talented, or attractive person in the room. They’ve already given you the script.
Healthy people don’t need to tear others down to feel good about themselves. When someone constantly compares themselves favorably to everyone around them, they’re revealing their need for constant validation rather than actual confidence in who they are.
4. Victim-Hero Setup
“No one appreciates what I do for them.” Sound familiar? This is the victim-hero setup, where someone positions themselves as both suffering and selfless. They want you to rush in and tell them how wonderful and unappreciated they are.
The trick works by making you feel guilty. Suddenly, you’re thinking about all the things they’ve done and feeling bad that they feel unrecognized. Before you know it, you’re listing their good qualities and thanking them profusely.
Real helpers don’t keep score or announce their lack of appreciation. They give because they want to, not because they expect praise. When someone frequently reminds you that nobody values them, they’re actually demanding that you prove them wrong with compliments and gratitude.
5. Fishing Questions
Questions like “Be honest… do you think I’m the best person for this?” aren’t really asking for honesty. The person already knows what answer they want to hear, and they’re putting you on the spot to deliver it.
These fishing questions are designed to make you feel like you’re being asked for genuine feedback. But the tone, timing, and context make it clear that disagreeing or giving actual criticism isn’t an option. You’re expected to confirm their greatness.
Notice how these questions often include phrases like “be honest” or “tell me the truth,” which ironically signal that honesty isn’t what they’re after. They want validation wrapped in the appearance of a real conversation. A truly confident person either knows their worth or genuinely seeks constructive feedback.
6. Name-Dropping or Status Flexing
When someone says, “My friend who’s a big deal in X said I’m the only one who gets it,” they’re using their connections to boost their own image. The message isn’t really about the friend—it’s about positioning themselves as special and elite.
Name-dropping serves as indirect self-praise. By associating themselves with successful or famous people, they’re suggesting they belong in that category too. They expect you to be impressed and respond with admiration for their important connections and unique understanding.
Confident people mention others naturally without using them as props for their own image. When every story includes a reference to someone impressive or a humble mention of exclusive experiences, the person is really asking you to see them as exceptional by association.
7. Doing a Favor Loudly
“I stayed late to fix that for you, even though I’m exhausted.” When someone does something nice but makes sure everyone knows how much it cost them, they’re fishing for praise. Genuine kindness doesn’t require an announcement or a detailed account of the sacrifice involved.
This tactic turns a helpful action into a transaction where payment comes in the form of compliments and gratitude. The person wants you to acknowledge not just the favor, but their exceptional selflessness and dedication. The louder the announcement, the bigger the compliment they expect.
Real generosity is quiet. When someone consistently highlights their good deeds and the personal cost, they’re not giving freely—they’re investing in praise. Notice the difference between someone who helps and someone who performs helping for an audience.
8. Selective Vulnerability
“I never tell anyone this, but I’m actually too talented for my own good.” This is selective vulnerability—sharing something that sounds personal but is really just another form of bragging. The person pretends to be opening up while actually fishing for you to confirm their self-assessment.
This trick feels intimate, which makes it especially effective. You feel honored that they’re sharing something private, so you’re more likely to respond with validation. But notice that their “vulnerability” is really just self-praise dressed up as a confession.
True vulnerability involves admitting actual weaknesses or fears, not highlighting strengths in a humble package. When someone’s private revelations always make them sound impressive rather than human, they’re using fake openness to earn compliments while appearing deep and authentic.
9. Turning Your Praise into a Bigger Stage
You offer a simple compliment like “Nice job!” and suddenly the person launches into a story: “Yeah, people always say I’m a natural.” They’ve taken your praise and used it as a springboard to fish for even more compliments.
This trick works by building on your initial kindness. Instead of simply saying thank you, they expand the moment into an opportunity for additional validation. They’re essentially asking you to keep going and say more nice things about their natural talents and abilities.
Gracious people accept compliments without turning them into lengthy discussions about their greatness. When someone can’t let a compliment stand alone and must add their own self-praise to it, they’re showing you that no amount of validation is ever quite enough for them.
10. Backhanded Self-Praise
“I guess some people are just born with better taste.” Statements like this sound like general observations, but they’re really compliments to themselves disguised as casual remarks. The person is praising their own qualities while pretending to just state facts.
This technique is sneaky because it doesn’t sound like obvious bragging. By framing their superiority as something they were simply born with, they’re fishing for you to agree that yes, they do have exceptional taste, intelligence, or whatever quality they’re highlighting. It’s self-praise that invites confirmation.
People with genuine confidence don’t need to constantly point out their superior qualities. When someone regularly makes comments that just happen to position them as naturally better than others, they’re looking for you to validate their self-assigned elite status.
11. Public Performance of Modesty
Picture this scene: Someone receives praise in front of others and responds with, “Oh stop, I’m not that great…” while clearly waiting for everyone to insist that they absolutely are that great. This is false modesty performed for an audience.
The public setting is crucial here. By denying the compliment out loud, they’re inviting everyone present to jump in with more praise and reassurance. It’s a multiplier effect—one compliment becomes five or ten as the group rallies to convince them of their worth.
Genuine modesty is accepting a compliment graciously without making a scene. When someone consistently rejects praise in public settings, they’re not being humble—they’re creating opportunities for even more attention and validation from everyone watching. The protest is the point, not the modesty.
12. Testing Loyalty
“If you really knew me, you’d know I’m not like everyone else.” This statement does double duty—it positions the person as uniquely special while also challenging you to prove your loyalty by confirming their exceptional nature. It’s a test disguised as self-reflection.
The implied accusation makes this particularly manipulative. If you don’t immediately agree and elaborate on their uniqueness, you’ve somehow failed to truly know or appreciate them. You’re pushed into defending your relationship by providing the compliments they’re seeking.
Secure people don’t need constant reassurance that others recognize their worth. When someone regularly makes statements that require you to prove you understand how special they are, they’re using your relationship as a vehicle for endless validation rather than genuine connection.