MomSkoop
Breaking free from a narcissist’s grip can feel both terrifying and empowering. When you finally set boundaries and refuse to play their games, something interesting happens: they start to panic.
Watching their control slip away triggers desperate behaviors that are often predictable, manipulative, and sometimes even laughable once you know what to expect.
1. They Love-Bomb You All Over Again
Out of nowhere, your phone lights up with sweet messages. Compliments flow like water, and suddenly, they remember every little thing you once loved. Gifts appear at your doorstep, apologies sound heartfelt, and promises of change fill the air.
But here’s the catch: none of it is genuine. This overwhelming affection is a carefully crafted trap designed to pull you back into their web. They’re not interested in fixing the relationship; they just want their power back.
Once you’re hooked again, the kindness vanishes. The cycle restarts, and you’re left wondering how you fell for it again.
2. They Play the Victim
Suddenly, you’re the villain in their story. They craft elaborate tales about how deeply you’ve wounded them, painting themselves as the innocent party who suffered endlessly. Every conversation gets twisted until you’re drowning in guilt.
Your boundaries become weapons you used against them. Your self-care turns into selfishness. They rewrite history so convincingly that even you might start doubting your own memories and decisions.
This emotional manipulation serves one purpose: making you feel responsible for their feelings. If they can guilt you into dropping your guard, they win control back without ever admitting fault or changing behavior.
3. They Start a Smear Campaign
When sweet talk fails, they switch tactics entirely. Your name gets dragged through the mud as they spread lies, half-truths, and exaggerated stories to anyone who’ll listen. Friends, family, coworkers—nobody is off-limits in their mission to destroy your reputation.
They position themselves as the victim who barely escaped your toxic behavior. Every story gets spun to make them look reasonable while you appear unstable, cruel, or crazy.
The goal is simple: isolate you and damage your credibility. If others believe their version, you lose support systems that might help you stay strong.
4. They Gaslight Harder
Remember that argument last week? According to them, it never happened. Those hurtful words they said? You’re just being too sensitive and making things up. Your memory becomes their favorite target.
Gaslighting intensifies when they feel control slipping away. They’ll deny facts, rewrite conversations, and insist you’re overreacting to things that absolutely occurred.
If they can make you question your own reality, you’ll stop trusting yourself. That self-doubt opens the door for them to step back in as the voice of reason, regaining influence over your thoughts and decisions.
5. They Try to Re-Enter Your Life Casually
A random text arrives months after silence: “Hey, just checking in.” Maybe they comment on your social media post or send a meme that reminds them of you. It all seems harmless and friendly on the surface.
Don’t be fooled by the casual tone. This isn’t a genuine concern or nostalgia. Narcissists hate losing their grip on people, and these seemingly innocent check-ins are fishing expeditions to see if you’ll bite.
They’re testing whether you’ve truly moved on or if there’s still an opening to worm their way back into your life. The moment you respond, they’ll interpret it as permission to resume old patterns.
6. They Provoke You Intentionally
Your calm demeanor drives them absolutely crazy. When you stop reacting to their drama, they escalate their tactics. Insults get sharper, messages become more frequent, and they’ll say anything to get a rise out of you.
They might bring up painful memories, criticize things you care about, or even involve other people to trigger an emotional response. Your anger, tears, or frustration are like fuel to them.
Staying composed is your superpower here. Every time you refuse to engage with their provocations, you prove they’ve lost their grip. That realization terrifies them more than any argument ever could.
7. They Suddenly Change
For a brief, shining moment, they transform into the person you always hoped they’d become. Therapy gets mentioned, apologies sound sincere, and their behavior actually improves. You might even feel hopeful that real growth is happening.
But this metamorphosis is pure performance. They’re showing you exactly what you want to see, not because they’ve changed, but because they’re desperate to regain control. It’s a temporary costume, not a permanent transformation.
The moment they feel secure that you’re back under their influence, the mask slips. Old patterns resurface, and you realize the change was just another manipulation tactic in their playbook.
8. They Seek New Supply
Narcissists can’t handle being alone with themselves. When you pull away, they immediately start hunting for someone new to fill the void. Within days or weeks, they’re posting pictures with a new partner, friend, or admirer.
This isn’t about genuine connection—it’s about finding a fresh source of attention and control. They need someone to manipulate, and if it’s not you, they’ll quickly replace you with whoever is available and vulnerable.
Often, they’ll make sure you see their new relationship. The goal is to trigger jealousy or regret, hoping you’ll come crawling back.
9. They Spy or Keep Tabs on You
Even after you’ve cut contact, they can’t resist knowing what you’re up to. Your social media gets checked obsessively, mutual friends get interrogated, and your online activity becomes their favorite hobby. They need information like oxygen.
Not knowing where you are, who you’re with, or what you’re doing creates unbearable anxiety for them.
You might notice increased profile views, suspicious friend requests from unknown accounts, or friends mentioning that they’ve been asking about you. It’s creepy, invasive, and a clear sign they haven’t let go.
10. They Accuse You of Being the Narcissist
In a stunning display of projection, they flip the entire script. Suddenly, you’re the manipulative one, the selfish one, the person who lacks empathy. They throw around psychology terms they barely understand, labeling you with the very traits they embody.
This accusation serves multiple purposes. It deflects responsibility, confuses you, and makes others question who the real problem is. If they can convince people you’re the narcissist, they maintain their victim status.
Accepting blame would mean surrendering power, and that’s something they’ll never willingly do.
11. They Try to Use Your Empathy Against You
Your compassionate nature becomes their favorite weapon. They’ll tell you they’re falling apart without you, that they’re depressed, lost, or even suicidal. Every message drips with desperation designed to activate your caretaking instincts.
These appeals aren’t about genuine vulnerability—they’re calculated moves. They know you have a kind heart, and they hope that your empathy overrides your boundaries.
Once you return to help, the crisis mysteriously resolves, and control dynamics resume.
12. They Completely Disappear — Then Reappear
When all tactics fail, they vanish completely. No messages, no calls, no social media activity directed at you. Silence stretches for weeks or even months, and you might finally feel free from their presence.
Then, out of nowhere, they’re back. A text arrives as if no time has passed, acting casual or even cheerful. They might pretend nothing happened or offer a flimsy excuse for their absence.
This disappearing act is a test. They’re checking whether you’ve genuinely moved on or if there’s still an emotional opening they can exploit.