MomSkoop
Have you ever received an apology that somehow made you feel worse instead of better?
Narcissists are masters at twisting words to avoid taking real responsibility for their actions. They use phrases that sound like apologies but actually shift blame, dismiss your feelings, or make you question yourself.
Understanding these fake apologies can help you recognize manipulation and protect your emotional well-being.
1. I’m Sorry You Feel That Way
This classic non-apology puts all the blame on your feelings rather than their actions. Instead of acknowledging what they did wrong, they’re essentially saying your emotional response is the problem.
When someone uses this phrase, they’re avoiding accountability completely. They’re not sorry for their behavior; they’re annoyed that you reacted to it. Real apologies focus on the action, not the victim’s reaction.
Pay attention when you hear these words because they reveal someone unwilling to examine their own behavior. Genuine remorse involves understanding how your actions hurt someone, not criticizing their emotional response to being hurt.
2. I’m Sorry If I Did Something Wrong
The word “if” transforms this statement from an apology into a question about whether they even did anything wrong. It suggests uncertainty about their actions when they know exactly what happened.
Narcissists use this tactic to make you explain and justify why you’re upset. Suddenly, you’re defending your hurt feelings instead of receiving a genuine apology. This shifts the power dynamic entirely in their favor.
A sincere apology names the specific behavior without conditions or questions. When someone truly regrets their actions, they don’t pretend to be confused about what they did. They own it clearly and directly.
3. I’m Sorry, But…
Anything that comes after “but” completely cancels out the apology before it. This phrase is a setup for excuses, justifications, or turning the blame back on you.
Watch what follows the “but” because that’s what they really think. Usually it’s something like “but you did this first” or “but I was stressed.” These additions show they believe their behavior was justified or that you deserved it.
Real accountability doesn’t come with qualifiers or escape clauses. When someone genuinely regrets hurting you, they don’t immediately list reasons why it wasn’t really their fault or why you contributed to the problem.
4. I Was Just Joking, You Took It the Wrong Way
Disguising cruelty as humor is a favorite narcissist tactic, and this phrase doubles down on the insult. Not only did they hurt you, but now they’re saying you lack a sense of humor or misunderstood their intentions.
This response makes you the problem for being too sensitive rather than addressing their hurtful comment. It’s gaslighting wrapped in a smile because it makes you question whether your reaction was appropriate.
Jokes shouldn’t leave people feeling small or attacked. When someone truly cares about your feelings, they apologize for the impact of their words regardless of their original intent.
5. I’ve Already Apologized
Bringing up a previous apology suggests they believe one “sorry” should erase all consequences forever. This statement shows impatience with your healing process and dismisses ongoing hurt.
Narcissists view apologies as transactions that immediately wipe the slate clean. They don’t understand that rebuilding trust takes time or that some hurts need more than a quick “sorry” to heal properly.
True remorse includes patience with the person you’ve hurt. Someone who genuinely cares understands that forgiveness is a process, not an instant switch. They won’t weaponize their previous apology against you when you’re still processing the pain.
6. I’m Sorry You’re So Sensitive
Here’s an apology that’s actually an insult in disguise. They’re labeling you as overly sensitive, which implies there’s something wrong with you for having normal emotional reactions.
This tactic is pure manipulation because it reframes the entire situation. Instead of examining their hurtful behavior, the focus shifts to your supposed character flaw of being “too sensitive” or unable to handle jokes.
Everyone has different sensitivities, and that’s perfectly normal. A caring person adjusts their behavior when they learn they’ve crossed a line, rather than criticizing you for having boundaries and feelings that deserve respect.
7. I’m Sorry, You Made Me Do It
Blaming you for their own actions is the ultimate responsibility dodge. This statement claims their behavior was actually your fault because you somehow forced their hand.
Nobody can make another person behave badly. We all choose our responses to situations, and mature adults own their choices. This phrase is especially dangerous because it’s a hallmark of abusive relationships.
Accepting blame for someone else’s actions creates a toxic cycle where you’re always responsible for their behavior. A genuine apology involves taking full ownership without pointing fingers at the person they hurt as the cause of their own pain.
8. I’m Sorry, But Other People Do It Too
Comparing themselves to others is a distraction technique that avoids personal responsibility. Just because other people do something doesn’t make it acceptable or less hurtful.
This argument is what children use on the playground, not what mature adults say when they’ve genuinely hurt someone. It shows they’re more interested in justifying their behavior than understanding why it caused pain.
Your relationship is between you and them, not between you and everyone else in the world. What others do is completely irrelevant to how their specific actions affected you. Real apologies focus on the relationship at hand, not hypothetical comparisons.
9. I’m Sorry for the Misunderstanding
Calling it a misunderstanding implies that communication was the problem, not their actual behavior. This phrase suggests that if you’d just understood them correctly, everything would be fine.
Narcissists love this one because it sounds reasonable and mature while still avoiding accountability. They’re not apologizing for what they did; they’re sorry that you somehow misinterpreted their perfectly acceptable actions.
Sometimes there are genuine misunderstandings, but often this phrase is used when the problem was crystal clear. If someone hurt you intentionally or through carelessness, it’s not a communication issue—it’s a behavior issue that deserves a real apology.
10. Let’s Just Forget It and Move On
Rushing past conflict without resolution is convenient for the person who caused harm but terrible for the person who was hurt. This isn’t an apology at all; it’s a demand to drop the subject.
Moving on requires processing what happened, understanding the impact, and rebuilding trust. Narcissists skip all those steps because they’re uncomfortable with accountability. They want the benefits of forgiveness without doing the work of making amends.
Healthy relationships address conflicts rather than sweeping them under the rug. When someone pressures you to forget and move on quickly, they’re prioritizing their comfort over your healing and the relationship’s long-term health.
11. Fine, I’m Sorry, Okay?
The tone here says everything the words don’t. This reluctant, forced apology drips with resentment and makes it clear they don’t actually feel sorry at all.
When someone apologizes like they’re doing you a huge favor, it’s worse than no apology. The sarcasm and annoyance show they still believe they’re right and you’re being unreasonable for expecting an apology in the first place.
An apology should convey genuine remorse, not irritation that you’re making them say the words. This type of response damages relationships further because it adds insult to the original injury and shows complete lack of care for your feelings.
12. I’m Sorry You Think I Did Something Wrong
Notice how this centers your perception as the problem rather than their actions. They’re apologizing for your thoughts, not for what they actually did.
This phrasing suggests you’re wrong to think they did anything harmful. It’s condescending and dismissive, implying your judgment is flawed rather than acknowledging their behavior was inappropriate or hurtful.
Someone who respects you doesn’t question whether you have valid reasons to be upset. They listen, reflect, and take responsibility for their impact. Questioning your perception is a form of gaslighting that makes you doubt your own experience and reality.
13. I’m Sorry for Your Reaction
This statement makes your emotional response the focal point instead of the action that caused it. They’re expressing regret that you reacted, not that they did something worth reacting to.
It’s a subtle way of calling you dramatic or overly emotional without using those exact words. The implication is that a reasonable person wouldn’t have responded the way you did, which puts you on the defensive.
Authentic apologies acknowledge the connection between action and consequence. When someone says “I’m sorry I hurt you” instead of “I’m sorry for your hurt feelings,” they’re accepting that their behavior caused pain rather than treating your emotions as separate from their actions.