MomSkoop
Modern dating can feel confusing, especially when behaviors that hurt us start to seem normal.
You might think certain patterns are just part of the dating game, but they’re actually red flags that can damage your self-esteem and happiness.
Understanding these toxic habits helps you recognize unhealthy relationships and build better connections with people who truly respect you.
1. Submarining or Zombieing
Ever had someone vanish without a trace, only to pop back up weeks later acting like nothing weird happened?
That’s submarining, and it’s more common than you’d think.
They disappear completely—no texts, no calls, no explanation—then suddenly resurface with a casual “Hey, what’s up?” as if they didn’t just ghost you.
This behavior shows a serious lack of respect for your feelings and time.
Nobody deserves to be left wondering what they did wrong, only to have that person waltz back in when it’s convenient for them.
Real relationships require communication, not vanishing acts.
2. Breadcrumbing
Imagine following a trail of breadcrumbs that never leads anywhere—that’s exactly what this dating behavior feels like.
Someone gives you just enough attention to keep you interested: a like here, a late-night text there, maybe an occasional compliment.
But when you try to make actual plans or deepen the connection, they suddenly become busy or vague.
They’re not interested in a real relationship; they just want to keep you as an option.
You deserve someone who gives you their full attention, not someone dropping crumbs while they explore other options.
3. Benching
Think of how athletes sit on the bench, waiting for their chance to play.
Benching in dating works the same way—someone keeps you on standby while they pursue other romantic interests.
They maintain just enough contact to keep you around, but never commit to making you a priority.
You’ll notice they cancel plans frequently, take forever to respond, or only reach out when their other options fall through.
Being someone’s backup plan feels terrible and damages your self-worth.
You’re not a substitute player waiting on the sidelines; you deserve to be someone’s first choice.
4. Ghosting
One day everything seems fine, and the next—complete silence.
Ghosting happens when someone cuts off all communication without any explanation whatsoever.
No goodbye, no reason, just radio silence that leaves you confused and hurt.
While it’s become incredibly common in modern dating, that doesn’t make it acceptable.
Everyone deserves basic respect and closure, even if the relationship wasn’t serious.
Ghosting teaches people that disappearing is easier than having uncomfortable conversations, but mature relationships require honesty.
If someone ghosts you, remember it reflects their character, not your worth.
5. Haunting
Picture a ghost that won’t fully leave—that’s haunting in the dating world.
After ending things or ghosting you, this person continues watching your social media stories, liking your posts, or occasionally commenting.
They’re not reaching out directly, but they’re making their presence known from the shadows.
This behavior keeps you emotionally connected and confused about their intentions.
Are they interested or not?
The answer is: they want attention without commitment.
Healthy breakups involve creating space, not lurking around your digital life.
Block, mute, or restrict them to truly move forward.
6. Love-Bombing
At first, it feels like a fairy tale.
Someone showers you with compliments, gifts, constant texts, and intense declarations of love right from the start.
They make you feel like the most special person alive, and it’s intoxicating.
But here’s the catch: love-bombing is a manipulation tactic.
Once they’ve got you hooked and emotionally dependent, the behavior often shifts.
They might become controlling, critical, or pull away suddenly.
Genuine love grows gradually; overwhelming affection that comes too fast usually has strings attached.
Trust your gut if something feels too intense too soon.
7. Gaslighting
“You’re being too sensitive.”
“That never happened.”
“You’re remembering it wrong.”
Sound familiar?
Gaslighting makes you question your own memory, feelings, and reality.
Someone twists the truth so much that you start doubting yourself instead of trusting your instincts.
Maybe they flirted with someone, and when you bring it up, they act like you’re crazy for even thinking it.
This manipulation tactic is seriously harmful to your mental health.
Your feelings are valid, your memories are real, and you’re not overreacting.
Anyone who makes you constantly question yourself doesn’t deserve your trust.
8. Blame-Shifting
They hurt you, but somehow it becomes your fault.
Blame-shifting happens when someone refuses to take responsibility for their actions and instead makes you feel guilty.
They cheated?
Well, you weren’t giving them enough attention.
They yelled at you?
You made them angry.
This toxic pattern prevents any real growth or resolution in relationships.
Healthy partners own their mistakes and apologize genuinely.
They don’t twist situations to avoid accountability.
If someone constantly makes you feel responsible for their bad behavior, that’s a major red flag.
You’re not responsible for someone else’s choices, period.
9. Keeping Score
“Remember three months ago when you forgot our plans?”
Keeping score means someone tracks every mistake you’ve ever made and brings them up during arguments.
They create a mental ledger of your faults, using them as ammunition whenever conflict arises.
Healthy relationships involve forgiveness and moving forward, not stockpiling past errors.
If someone truly forgave you, they wouldn’t weaponize old mistakes against you repeatedly.
This behavior creates resentment and makes you feel like you can never do enough to make up for the past.
Real love doesn’t keep a running tally of who messed up more.
10. Testing Loyalty
Instead of simply asking how you feel or talking about concerns, someone creates elaborate scenarios to test your loyalty.
Maybe they have a friend flirt with you to see your reaction, or they pretend to be upset to check if you’ll cancel plans.
These games replace honest communication with manipulation.
Testing shows deep insecurity and distrust.
If they can’t believe what you tell them and need “proof,” the relationship lacks a crucial foundation.
Mature partnerships are built on trust and open conversations, not traps and tricks.
You shouldn’t have to constantly prove yourself to someone who claims to care about you.
11. Overlapping
Overlapping isn’t quite cheating, but it’s definitely not honest either.
It happens when someone starts developing emotional or romantic connections with a new person before properly ending their current relationship.
They’re essentially creating a safety net, making sure they have someone lined up before letting go.
This behavior disrespects everyone involved.
The current partner deserves honesty about the relationship ending, and the new person deserves to know they’re not starting fresh.
If someone overlapped to be with you, chances are they’ll do it again.
Clean breaks show maturity and respect.
12. Ultimatums for Control
“If you don’t stop hanging out with your friends, I’m leaving.”
“Choose between your family and me.”
Ultimatums for control use threats to manipulate your behavior and isolate you from others.
They’re different from healthy boundaries because they’re designed to make you comply through fear.
Real boundaries sound like: “I need more quality time together.”
Control sounds like: “If you go out tonight, we’re done.”
One invites conversation; the other demands obedience.
Loving relationships involve compromise and respect, not threats that force you to prove your commitment by sacrificing your autonomy.
13. Non-Committal Situationships with False Expectations
You act like a couple—spending time together, being intimate, meeting each other’s needs—but they refuse to define the relationship or commit.
They enjoy all the benefits of having a partner without any of the responsibility or accountability that comes with it.
Meanwhile, you’re left confused about where you stand and what you mean to them.
This ambiguity often serves one person’s interests while leaving the other emotionally invested with no security.
If someone wants to be with you, they’ll make it clear.
Uncertainty after months together isn’t mysterious or romantic; it’s disrespectful to your time and feelings.