MomSkoop
Confidence isn’t always about being the loudest person in the room or taking charge of every situation. Sometimes, it shows up in quieter ways—in the words we choose, the way we carry ourselves, or how we respond to others. Psychologists have identified certain patterns that often point to low self-esteem in women, behaviors that might seem harmless but can hold someone back from reaching their full potential. Understanding these signs can be the first step toward building stronger self-belief and living more authentically.
1. Apologizing Excessively
Have you noticed yourself saying sorry when someone bumps into you? Many women find themselves apologizing for things that aren’t their fault—like sharing an idea in a meeting or simply existing in a space. This habit often stems from a fear of being seen as too much or taking up too much room.
When apologies become automatic, they lose their meaning. More importantly, they send a message that your presence or thoughts need justification. Breaking this pattern starts with pausing before you apologize and asking yourself if you actually did something wrong.
Try replacing unnecessary apologies with statements of gratitude or confidence instead. For example, swap “Sorry for bothering you” with “Thanks for your time.” Small changes in language can shift how you see yourself and how others perceive you too.
2. Difficulty Accepting Compliments
“Oh, it was nothing really.” Sound familiar? When someone praises your work or appearance, brushing it off might feel like modesty, but it often reveals discomfort with being recognized. Women with low confidence struggle to believe they deserve positive attention, so they minimize their accomplishments or redirect credit elsewhere.
This response doesn’t just dismiss the compliment—it dismisses your effort and worth. Over time, deflecting praise reinforces the belief that you’re not good enough. It also makes the person giving the compliment feel awkward or dismissed.
Learning to simply say “thank you” without adding qualifiers takes practice. Let the compliment land without explaining it away. Accepting kind words gracefully helps rewire your brain to believe you’re worthy of recognition and appreciation from others and yourself.
3. Overthinking What Others Think
Did that text sound rude? Are they mad at me? Constantly replaying conversations and analyzing every interaction is exhausting and reveals deep insecurity. Women who lack confidence often assume others are judging them harshly, even when there’s no evidence to support it.
This mental loop keeps you trapped in worry instead of living in the present moment. You might avoid speaking up or being yourself because you’re too focused on managing everyone else’s opinions. The truth is, most people are thinking about themselves, not scrutinizing your every move.
Breaking free requires challenging those thoughts. Ask yourself if you have proof someone is upset or if you’re just assuming the worst. Practicing mindfulness and self-compassion can help quiet the inner critic that fuels overthinking and fear of judgment from others around you.
4. Avoiding Eye Contact
Eyes are powerful communicators. Looking away or down during conversations, especially with bosses, strangers, or authority figures, signals discomfort and uncertainty. Women with low confidence often avoid eye contact because it feels too vulnerable or exposing, as if meeting someone’s gaze invites judgment.
This behavior can be misread as dishonesty, disinterest, or lack of capability, even when that’s not true at all. It creates a barrier between you and meaningful connection. Eye contact builds trust and shows you’re engaged and present in the moment.
Start small by practicing with friends or in low-pressure situations. Aim to hold someone’s gaze for a few seconds during conversation, then gradually increase. You don’t need to stare intensely—just enough to show you’re confident and comfortable being seen by the person you’re talking with today.
5. Speaking Softly or Hesitantly
“Um, I think maybe… if that makes sense?” Trailing off at the end of sentences or using a quiet, timid voice makes it harder for others to take you seriously. This speech pattern often reflects internal doubt—you’re not sure your ideas matter, so your delivery reflects that uncertainty.
Filler words and upspeak (ending statements like questions) undermine your message before anyone even considers its content. People may interrupt you more often or overlook your contributions entirely. Your voice deserves to be heard clearly and confidently.
Practice speaking with intention by recording yourself or rehearsing important points beforehand. Slow down, breathe, and finish your sentences with a period, not a question mark. Strengthening your vocal presence helps you feel more powerful and ensures your valuable ideas get the attention and respect they truly deserve in any conversation or setting.
6. Excessive People-Pleasing
Always saying yes, even when you’re stretched thin, is a classic sign of low confidence. Women who struggle with self-worth often believe their value comes from being helpful, agreeable, and never causing conflict. They prioritize everyone else’s needs while ignoring their own limits and desires completely.
This pattern leads to burnout, resentment, and feeling invisible in your own life. You might avoid disagreeing or setting boundaries because you fear rejection or disappointing others. But constantly sacrificing yourself doesn’t earn genuine respect or love—it just teaches people they can take advantage of your kindness.
Learning to say no is an act of self-respect. Start with small boundaries and remember that healthy relationships can handle occasional disagreement. You don’t need to earn your place by being endlessly accommodating to everyone around you all the time without considering yourself.
7. Struggling to Make Decisions
“Whatever you want” or “I don’t care” might seem easygoing, but when you constantly defer choices to others, it reveals a lack of trust in your own judgment. Women with low confidence often fear making the wrong decision, so they avoid deciding altogether, even about simple things like restaurant choices or weekend plans.
This habit communicates that your preferences don’t matter. Over time, others may stop asking your opinion entirely, reinforcing feelings of invisibility. Decision-making is a muscle—the more you avoid using it, the weaker it becomes and the harder choices feel.
Start reclaiming your voice by making small decisions quickly without overthinking them. Choose the movie, pick the restaurant, or decide what activity to do. Even if it’s not perfect, practicing decisiveness builds confidence in your ability to trust yourself and your instincts more each day going forward.
8. Negative Self-Talk
“I’m so stupid” or “I can’t do anything right.” The way you talk to yourself matters more than you might realize. Women with low confidence often have a harsh inner critic that constantly points out flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings while ignoring strengths and accomplishments entirely.
This negative self-talk becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you repeatedly tell yourself you’re not good enough, you start believing it, and that belief influences your actions and opportunities. You might avoid challenges or give up quickly because you’ve already decided you’ll fail anyway.
Challenge these thoughts by asking if you’d speak to a friend that way. Probably not. Start replacing criticism with compassion and realistic assessments. Acknowledge mistakes without defining yourself by them. Building a kinder internal dialogue transforms how you see yourself and opens doors you once thought were closed to you forever and always.
9. Fear of Trying New Things
Staying in your comfort zone feels safe, but it also keeps you stuck. Women lacking confidence often avoid new experiences—whether it’s applying for a promotion, trying a hobby, or meeting new people—because they’re terrified of failing or looking foolish in front of others who might judge them.
This fear robs you of growth opportunities and keeps your world small. Every time you say no to something new, you reinforce the belief that you’re not capable of handling challenges. But confidence isn’t built by avoiding risks—it’s built by trying things and surviving, even when they don’t go perfectly.
Start small by doing one thing that scares you each week. Sign up for that class, speak up in the meeting, or try that new restaurant alone. Each small step expands your comfort zone and proves to yourself that you’re braver and more capable than your fear wants you to believe right now.
10. Needing Constant Reassurance
“Are you mad at me?” or “Did I do okay?” Frequently seeking validation from others reveals deep insecurity and lack of self-trust. Women with low confidence need external reassurance to feel okay because they don’t believe in their own worth or judgment without confirmation from someone else first.
This behavior can strain relationships and make you appear needy or insecure. It places the burden of your self-esteem on others, which isn’t fair to them or sustainable for you. True confidence comes from within, not from collecting approval like currency from everyone around you constantly.
Work on building internal validation by acknowledging your own efforts and successes. Keep a journal of things you’re proud of and review it when doubt creeps in. Learn to sit with uncertainty without immediately seeking comfort. The more you trust yourself, the less you’ll need others to confirm your worth and value every single day moving forward in life.