MomSkoop
When someone else has controlled your choices, thoughts, or feelings, it can leave you doubting your own judgment. Rebuilding trust with yourself is one of the most important steps toward healing and becoming whole again.
This journey takes time, but each small step you take helps you reconnect with who you truly are. Here are twelve powerful ways to start trusting yourself again and reclaiming your inner strength.
1. Listen to your instincts again
Your gut feelings are like an internal compass that guides you toward what feels right. After being controlled, you might have learned to ignore these signals because someone else always told you what to think or feel. Reconnecting with your instincts means paying attention when something feels off or when something feels good.
Start small by noticing physical sensations in your body when making decisions. Does your stomach tighten or do you feel relaxed? Your body often knows the truth before your mind catches up.
Trust builds gradually as you honor these inner whispers more often. The more you listen, the clearer your instincts become, helping you navigate life with confidence again.
2. Set small, non-negotiable boundaries
Boundaries are like fences around your personal space that protect your energy and wellbeing. When you’ve been controlled, your boundaries were probably ignored or trampled on repeatedly. Starting with tiny, firm limits helps you practice standing up for yourself without feeling overwhelmed.
Maybe you decide that you won’t answer texts after 9 PM, or you’ll take ten minutes alone each morning. These aren’t selfish rules—they’re acts of self-respect. Keeping them shows yourself that your needs actually matter.
Each boundary you maintain is proof that you can protect yourself. Over time, setting limits becomes easier and more natural, rebuilding your sense of safety.
3. Keep promises you make to yourself
Breaking promises to yourself chips away at self-trust faster than almost anything else. If you constantly say you’ll exercise, rest, or pursue a hobby but never follow through, you teach yourself that your word means nothing. Following through on even small commitments rebuilds that trust brick by brick.
Choose realistic promises you can actually keep. Instead of vowing to run five miles daily, commit to a ten-minute walk. Success breeds confidence and shows you that you’re dependable.
When you honor your word to yourself, you prove that you’re worthy of trust. This consistency creates a solid foundation for self-respect and personal growth.
4. Practice saying no without justification
Saying no is a complete sentence, but after being controlled, you might feel you need to explain or defend every boundary. Controllers taught you that your reasons were never good enough, so you learned to over-explain. Breaking this pattern means practicing simple refusals without lengthy justifications.
Try responding with just “No, I can’t” or “That doesn’t work for me.” Notice the discomfort that arises and sit with it. That feeling is temporary, but the self-respect you gain lasts.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for protecting your time, energy, or peace. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes to honor your own needs first.
5. Check in with your feelings daily
Many people who’ve experienced control learned to disconnect from their emotions as a survival strategy. Checking in with yourself daily helps you rebuild that vital connection. Ask yourself simple questions like “How am I really feeling right now?” or “What do I need today?”
You might discover anger, sadness, joy, or confusion—all feelings are valid and deserve acknowledgment. Writing them down or just naming them silently helps you honor your emotional truth. This practice strengthens your relationship with yourself.
Over time, you’ll notice patterns and understand yourself better. Emotional awareness is a cornerstone of self-trust and helps you make choices aligned with your authentic self.
6. Make decisions without asking for outside validation
Controllers systematically undermine your confidence in your own judgment, making you dependent on their approval. Breaking free means learning to trust your own choices, even small ones, without constantly seeking permission or reassurance from others. Start with low-stakes decisions like what to eat or wear.
Notice the urge to ask someone else’s opinion and pause. What do YOU actually want? Make the choice and live with it, learning from the outcome either way.
Each independent decision you make strengthens your inner authority. You become your own trusted advisor, capable of navigating life without needing constant external approval or guidance.
7. Identify and challenge internalized self-doubt
After prolonged control, you often absorb the controller’s critical voice as your own. Those thoughts telling you you’re incompetent, dramatic, or wrong might not actually be yours—they’re echoes of someone else’s manipulation. Identifying these internalized messages is the first step to freedom.
When self-doubt arises, ask yourself: “Is this really true, or is this what I was told?” Challenge these thoughts with evidence of your actual capabilities and worth. Replace harsh criticism with compassionate truth.
This mental work takes practice but gradually shifts your internal landscape. You deserve a kind, supportive inner voice that builds you up rather than tears you down constantly.
8. Celebrate small acts of independence
Every time you make a choice for yourself, speak your truth, or honor a boundary, that’s worth celebrating. After being controlled, independence might feel scary rather than exciting. Acknowledging your brave steps, no matter how small, reinforces positive change and builds momentum.
Maybe you chose a restaurant, declined an invitation, or expressed a preference. These moments deserve recognition! Tell yourself “I’m proud of that” or treat yourself to something small and meaningful.
Celebration rewires your brain to associate independence with positive feelings. Over time, acting autonomously becomes less frightening and more empowering, helping you trust your ability to thrive.
9. Forgive yourself for past choices
Looking back, you might wonder why you stayed, believed the lies, or didn’t see the control sooner. Self-blame is natural but ultimately unhelpful. You made the best decisions you could with the information, resources, and emotional state you had at the time.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing harm or pretending it didn’t hurt. It means releasing the heavy burden of shame and recognizing your humanity. You deserve the same compassion you’d offer a friend in similar circumstances.
Letting go of self-judgment creates space for healing and growth. When you stop punishing yourself for the past, you free up energy to build a better future.
10. Surround yourself with supportive people
The company you keep profoundly impacts your healing journey. Supportive people respect your boundaries, celebrate your growth, and don’t try to control or manipulate you. They listen without judgment and encourage your independence rather than fostering dependence.
Evaluate your current relationships honestly. Do these people build you up or tear you down? It’s okay to distance yourself from those who undermine your healing, even if they’re family or old friends.
Healthy relationships provide a safe space where you can practice being authentic. Surrounding yourself with genuine support helps you remember your worth and reinforces positive patterns of relating.
11. Create routines that honor your needs
Routines aren’t about rigid control—they’re about creating predictability and safety for yourself. When you’ve been controlled, your life probably revolved around someone else’s needs and schedule. Building routines around YOUR needs is a revolutionary act of self-trust and care.
Design a morning or evening routine that makes you feel grounded and peaceful. Maybe it includes stretching, reading, journaling, or enjoying coffee in silence. These rituals become anchors in your day.
Honoring your needs consistently sends a powerful message to yourself: you matter, your wellbeing is important, and you’re worthy of time and attention.
12. Seek professional support if needed
Healing from control and manipulation is challenging work that doesn’t have to be done alone. Professional therapists, especially those trained in trauma or abuse recovery, provide tools, perspective, and support that friends and family often can’t offer. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
A good therapist creates a safe space to process your experiences, identify unhealthy patterns, and develop healthier coping strategies. They can help you navigate complex emotions and rebuild your sense of self.
If therapy feels inaccessible, consider support groups, hotlines, or online resources. Reaching out demonstrates trust in yourself to pursue healing and shows commitment to your wellbeing.