MomSkoop
Toxic masculinity isn’t about being masculine—it’s about harmful beliefs that limit men and hurt the people around them. These patterns can show up in relationships, friendships, and everyday interactions, often disguised as strength or confidence. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward healthier connections and genuine respect.
1. Shaming Emotions and Labeling Feelings as Weakness
Emotions are part of being human, but some men have been taught that showing feelings means you’re weak or overly dramatic. When he calls you or others “too sensitive” for having normal reactions, that’s a red flag.
He might roll his eyes when someone cries or mock people for expressing sadness or fear. This behavior creates a wall between him and genuine connection. Over time, it teaches everyone around him to hide their true selves.
Healthy masculinity embraces emotion as strength, not something to suppress. Real confidence includes being honest about how you feel. When someone shames vulnerability, they’re often running from their own discomfort with emotions.
2. Needing to Control Every Decision and Action
Control isn’t care—it’s fear dressed up as leadership. When he insists on managing your schedule, your money, your choices, or even how you dress, he’s not protecting you. He’s trying to own you.
This behavior often starts small: suggesting what you should wear, questioning where you go, or managing finances without your input. But it grows into something suffocating. You might feel like you’re walking on eggshells or losing your sense of independence.
A partner should support your autonomy, not shrink it. Healthy relationships are built on trust and mutual respect, not micromanagement. If he can’t let you make your own decisions, he’s not ready for an equal partnership.
3. Confusing Rudeness with Confidence
Some guys think being cold, arrogant, or dismissive makes them look strong. They confuse respect with fear and mistake kindness for weakness. This “alpha” mentality is just insecurity with a tough-guy mask.
He might interrupt people, talk over others, or treat service workers poorly to assert dominance. He believes that being rude shows he’s in charge. But real confidence doesn’t need to put others down to stand tall.
Genuine strength is calm, respectful, and secure. It doesn’t require proving anything through cruelty or coldness. When someone has to act superior all the time, they’re usually compensating for feeling small inside.
4. Refusing to Admit Mistakes or Own Up
Being wrong is human. But for some men, admitting a mistake feels like losing a battle. Instead of owning up, he deflects blame, twists the story, or makes you feel crazy for calling him out.
Gaslighting becomes his go-to move. He’ll say you’re remembering things wrong or overreacting. He might even turn the tables and make himself the victim. This keeps him from ever having to change or grow.
Accountability is a cornerstone of maturity. When someone can’t say “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry,” they’re stuck in a mindset that values ego over truth. Healthy people apologize, learn, and move forward without drama.
5. Using Anger as a Primary Communication Tool
Anger can be healthy when expressed appropriately, but when it’s the only emotion he shows, it becomes a weapon. Yelling, intimidation, silent treatment, or threatening body language are all tactics meant to control through fear.
He might explode over small things or use his anger to shut down conversations. You find yourself tiptoeing around him, afraid to bring up issues or disagree. That’s not communication—that’s emotional manipulation.
Healthy men know how to express frustration without making others feel unsafe. They talk things out instead of blowing up. When anger is his main tool, it’s a sign he hasn’t learned how to handle conflict maturely.
6. Looking Down on Women and Their Independence
Sexism isn’t always loud—it can be subtle jokes, stereotypes, or resentment toward women who don’t need men to survive. He might make comments about women being too emotional, too ambitious, or too independent.
He treats women like they exist to serve or please men, not as equals with their own goals and strengths. He might feel threatened by successful women or make jokes that belittle their achievements. This mindset is rooted in insecurity and outdated beliefs.
Respect doesn’t have conditions. A man secure in himself celebrates women’s independence and treats them as partners, not accessories. When he resents equality, he’s clinging to a worldview that’s long overdue for an update.
7. Policing How Other Men Express Themselves
Toxic masculinity doesn’t just hurt women—it hurts men too. When he mocks other guys for being emotional, gentle, artistic, or “different,” he’s enforcing a narrow definition of manhood that leaves no room for individuality.
He might call men “soft” for crying, question their masculinity for liking certain hobbies, or make homophobic jokes to distance himself from anything he sees as weak. This policing keeps everyone trapped in rigid roles.
Real men support each other’s authenticity. Masculinity isn’t a checklist—it’s personal and diverse. When he tears down other men for being themselves, he’s revealing his own fear of not measuring up to some imaginary standard.
8. Treating Intimacy Like a Scoreboard
Intimacy should be about connection, trust, and mutual respect—not conquest or ego. When he sees intimacy as something to win or collect, he’s missing the point entirely. Pressure, scorekeeping, and ignoring boundaries are all red flags.
He might brag about his experiences, push for physical closeness before you’re ready, or treat consent like an obstacle instead of a foundation. This mindset reduces people to trophies and strips intimacy of its meaning.
Healthy sexuality respects pace, boundaries, and emotional safety. It’s not about proving anything or keeping score. When he can’t separate ego from intimacy, he’s not ready for a real, respectful relationship.
9. Avoiding Vulnerability at All Costs
Opening up about fears, insecurities, or struggles takes courage, but some men see it as a weakness to avoid. He won’t talk about what scares him or admit when he’s struggling. Everything stays locked inside.
This refusal to be vulnerable creates emotional distance. You might feel like you don’t really know him or that he’s always hiding behind a wall. Real intimacy requires honesty, and honesty requires vulnerability.
Strength isn’t about never showing cracks—it’s about being brave enough to let someone see them. When he can’t share his true self, he’s not protecting his masculinity. He’s sabotaging his chance at genuine connection and growth.
10. Dismissing Therapy and Personal Growth
Mental health matters, but toxic masculinity teaches men that seeking help is shameful. He might say therapy is for “crazy people” or that “real men” don’t need outside support. This mindset keeps him stuck.
He avoids self-reflection, refuses to acknowledge problems, and resists change. Growth requires humility and the willingness to admit you don’t have all the answers. By rejecting help, he’s choosing stagnation over evolution.
Everyone benefits from support and self-awareness. Therapy isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. When he dismisses mental health, he’s not proving his strength. He’s revealing his fear of confronting the parts of himself that need healing and attention.
11. Tying Respect to Fear and Dominance
Respect earned through fear isn’t respect—it’s compliance. When he wants people to obey him rather than understand him, he’s confusing leadership with control. He values power over partnership.
He might raise his voice to end arguments, use his size or presence to intimidate, or demand loyalty without offering trust. People around him walk on eggshells, afraid to challenge or disagree. That’s not respect; it’s survival mode.
True respect is mutual and freely given. It comes from trust, consistency, and treating others with dignity. When he needs dominance to feel valued, he’s operating from a place of deep insecurity masked as strength.