MomSkoop
Love should feel steady, warm, and real. But sometimes, the person you’re with might be saying all the right words without truly meaning them.
When a man is pretending to be in love, there are often subtle clues that something doesn’t quite add up, and learning to spot them can help you protect your heart and find the genuine connection you deserve.
1. His Words Don’t Consistently Match His Actions
Sweet promises can feel wonderful in the moment, but real love shows up in everyday choices.
A man who truly loves you will back up his words with consistent effort and follow-through.
When someone is pretending, you might notice he says he’ll call but doesn’t, or promises to change certain behaviors that never actually shift.
The gap between what he says and what he does creates confusion and disappointment.
Pay attention to patterns over time rather than isolated incidents.
Everyone slips up occasionally, but genuine love creates a track record of reliability.
If you find yourself making excuses for why his actions don’t match his declarations, that’s often your intuition telling you something important about the relationship’s authenticity.
2. He Avoids Emotional Depth
Real intimacy requires vulnerability, and someone genuinely in love will want to share their inner world with you.
When conversations consistently stay on the surface, never venturing into feelings, dreams, or meaningful topics, it signals emotional unavailability.
Notice if he seems uncomfortable when you try to discuss your relationship, future possibilities, or deeper emotions.
He might change the subject, make jokes to deflect, or become suddenly busy whenever things get real.
Authentic connection thrives on emotional honesty and openness.
If he keeps you at arm’s length emotionally while claiming to love you, his heart likely isn’t fully invested.
Love invites depth, not just pleasant small talk about weather and weekend plans.
3. Affection Feels Timed or Performative
Genuine affection flows naturally and spontaneously from the heart.
When love is real, those tender moments happen because someone genuinely feels moved to express care and connection.
Watch for patterns where he only shows affection at expected times or when others are watching.
Maybe he’s sweet on date nights but distant during regular weekdays, or affectionate in public but cold when you’re alone.
This calculated approach suggests he’s playing a role rather than expressing authentic feelings.
True love doesn’t need an audience or a schedule.
Random hugs, unexpected compliments, and spontaneous kisses throughout ordinary days reveal someone who genuinely adores you.
Performative affection, by contrast, feels like checking boxes rather than sharing genuine warmth.
4. He’s Present Physically but Distant Emotionally
Being in the same room doesn’t guarantee real togetherness.
Emotional presence means someone is mentally and emotionally engaged with you, not just occupying the same space.
You might notice he seems distracted during conversations, constantly checking his phone, or appearing mentally elsewhere even during quality time together.
His body is there, but his mind and heart feel miles away.
This disconnect creates a lonely feeling even when you’re together.
Someone truly in love wants to be fully present with you, savoring your time together.
They’re engaged in conversations, interested in your day, and genuinely focused on the connection you’re sharing.
Emotional absence while physically present often signals his heart isn’t truly invested.
5. You Initiate Most Connection
Relationships thrive on mutual effort and reciprocal energy.
When you consistently find yourself being the one who calls, texts, plans dates, and checks in, the imbalance reveals a lot about his investment level.
Real love makes someone want to reach out and stay connected.
They think about you throughout their day and naturally want to share moments, thoughts, and plans.
If he rarely initiates contact or makes plans, he’s not experiencing the pull that genuine affection creates.
Pay attention to what happens when you step back from initiating.
Does he notice and reach out, or does silence stretch on indefinitely?
Someone pretending may enjoy your attention and effort without feeling motivated to reciprocate equally.
6. He Resists Integrating Lives
When someone genuinely loves you, they naturally want to blend you into their world and become part of yours.
Meeting important people, sharing social circles, and including each other in various life areas feels exciting rather than threatening.
Notice if he avoids introducing you to friends and family, or seems reluctant to meet the important people in your life.
Perhaps he keeps your relationship compartmentalized, maintaining clear separation between you and the rest of his world.
This resistance suggests he’s not envisioning a real future together.
Integration happens organically when love is authentic.
Someone pretending may fear the accountability and commitment that comes with truly merging lives, preferring to keep the relationship isolated and easily disposable.
7. He Deflects Conversations About the Future
Someone genuinely in love naturally thinks about and discusses future possibilities together.
Whether it’s next month’s vacation or dreams five years ahead, real couples explore these topics with excitement and openness.
Watch how he responds when you bring up anything beyond the immediate present.
Does he change the subject, give vague non-answers, or seem uncomfortable with any forward-looking conversation?
This avoidance reveals his reluctance to envision you in his long-term picture.
People invest mental and emotional energy imagining futures with those they truly love.
Consistent deflection or discomfort around these topics suggests he’s keeping his options open or simply going through the motions without genuine commitment to building something lasting with you.
8. He Shows Limited Curiosity About You
Falling in love creates a natural fascination with the other person.
You want to know their stories, understand their dreams, learn what makes them tick, and discover all the layers that make them unique.
If he rarely asks meaningful questions about your inner world, past experiences, goals, or feelings, his interest remains superficial.
Conversations might revolve around logistics or surface topics without ever going deeper into who you truly are.
This lack of curiosity signals emotional disengagement.
Someone genuinely smitten remembers details you’ve shared, asks follow-up questions, and shows ongoing interest in your evolving thoughts and experiences.
Limited curiosity reveals limited investment, suggesting he sees you more as a placeholder than someone he’s genuinely falling for.
9. Conflict Leads to Withdrawal, Not Repair
Every relationship faces disagreements and challenging moments.
How someone handles conflict reveals whether they’re committed to the relationship’s health and longevity.
Notice if he shuts down, disappears, or minimizes issues rather than working through them together.
Maybe he gives you the silent treatment, refuses to discuss problems, or dismisses your concerns as overreactions.
This avoidance prevents genuine resolution and growth.
Real love motivates people to push through uncomfortable conversations because the relationship matters more than temporary discomfort.
Someone pretending lacks the investment needed to do this hard work, preferring withdrawal over the vulnerability and effort that genuine repair requires.
Patterns of avoidance suggest his feelings aren’t deep enough to weather normal relationship challenges.
10. His Effort Fluctuates Without Explanation
Consistency builds trust and security in relationships.
While everyone has busy periods or stressful times, genuine love maintains a baseline of care and attention even during challenging seasons.
You might notice unpredictable cycles where he’s attentive and affectionate for a while, then suddenly distant and disengaged without clear reason.
These fluctuations leave you confused, constantly wondering where you stand and what changed.
The inconsistency creates anxiety rather than security.
Someone truly in love maintains steady effort because their feelings remain constant.
Wild swings in attention and affection often indicate ambivalence or someone who engages only when it’s convenient, pulling back when it requires real commitment or when other options appear more appealing.
11. You Feel Confused More Than Secure
Your gut feelings matter tremendously in relationships.
Genuine love creates a foundation of security, trust, and calm confidence, even when life gets complicated.
If you constantly feel uncertain about his feelings, question his intentions, or wonder if the relationship is real, those doubts are important information.
Real love shouldn’t leave you perpetually confused or anxious about where you stand.
You shouldn’t need to analyze every text or decode mixed signals constantly.
Healthy relationships provide emotional safety and clarity.
While no relationship is perfect, the overall feeling should be one of security rather than chronic uncertainty.
Persistent confusion often signals that his actions and words aren’t aligning because his feelings aren’t genuine, leaving you rightfully unsure.