MomSkoop
Narcissists have a unique way of turning relationships into battlefields where they always win. Their tactics are designed to control, manipulate, and keep you off-balance while they maintain power. Understanding these common strategies can help you recognize when you’re being manipulated and take steps to protect your mental health.
1. Love Bombing
Narcissists shower you with excessive affection, attention, and gifts at lightning speed. They text constantly, plan elaborate dates, and make you feel like you’ve found your soulmate – all within days or weeks of meeting.
This overwhelming attention isn’t genuine love but a calculated strategy to hook you quickly. They’re creating a fantasy version of themselves you’ll desperately want to keep later.
When you’re intoxicated by their attention, you’re less likely to notice red flags or maintain boundaries. The higher they lift you during this phase, the harder you’ll fall when they inevitably switch tactics.
2. Gaslighting
“That never happened.” “You’re too sensitive.” “You’re remembering it wrong.” These phrases become eerily familiar when dealing with a narcissist’s gaslighting tactics.
Gaslighting slowly erodes your confidence in your own perception of reality. The narcissist deliberately denies or twists facts, making you question your sanity rather than their behavior.
Over time, victims become dependent on the narcissist to define what’s real. This creates the perfect environment for continued manipulation, as you’ll stop trusting your instincts that something is wrong in the relationship.
3. Silent Treatment
Suddenly, without warning, they stop speaking to you. Your texts go unanswered, calls unreturned. The narcissist disappears emotionally, sometimes physically too, leaving you in agonizing uncertainty.
This isn’t a cooling-off period – it’s punishment designed to make you desperate for their return. You’ll find yourself apologizing for things you didn’t do just to end the painful silence.
The silent treatment creates a power imbalance where you learn to walk on eggshells to avoid triggering another episode. Each time they deploy this tactic, your fear of abandonment grows stronger, making it harder to leave the relationship.
4. Projection
Caught a narcissist cheating? Prepare to be accused of infidelity yourself. Projection allows narcissists to deflect their flaws onto you, keeping their fragile self-image intact.
They’ll loudly condemn behaviors they’re secretly engaging in. Their accusations often come out of nowhere, leaving you defending yourself against things you never did.
Pay attention when a narcissist repeatedly accuses you of something specific without evidence. Their persistent focus on certain behaviors often reveals their own hidden actions and insecurities. Their accusations become a roadmap to their own misdeeds.
5. Triangulation
Narcissists love bringing third parties into your relationship drama. They’ll casually mention how their ex still wants them back or how a coworker finds them attractive, creating a competitive atmosphere.
They compare you unfavorably to others: “Why can’t you be more like Sarah?” These comparisons are rarely based in reality but designed to make you work harder for their approval.
Even innocent friendships become weapons as they share private relationship details with outsiders, then report back selective versions of these conversations. This tactic isolates you while surrounding the narcissist with allies who only hear their side of the story.
6. Hoovering
Just when you’ve finally broken free, they reappear with grand gestures and promises of change. Like a vacuum cleaner, they try to suck you back into the relationship through whatever emotional triggers work best.
Narcissists might suddenly need your help with a crisis, send nostalgic reminders of good times, or claim they’re getting therapy. They’ll say exactly what you’ve been longing to hear, but these promises evaporate once you’re back under their influence.
Hoovering intensifies around significant life events – when you start dating someone new or achieve a success. The timing isn’t coincidental; they can’t stand seeing you thrive without them.
7. Blame-Shifting
A narcissist’s apology often sounds like: “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t made me angry.” They transform every conflict into your fault, regardless of their actions.
Even their most outrageous behavior gets reframed as a reasonable response to something you did. This constant redirection prevents them from ever taking responsibility or changing their behavior.
The emotional toll accumulates as you start believing you’re the problem. Many victims spend years trying to “improve” themselves to fix relationship issues that actually stem from the narcissist’s abusive patterns.
8. Devaluation
After putting you on a pedestal during love bombing, narcissists begin the slow process of tearing you down. Subtle criticisms replace compliments: “That outfit doesn’t really flatter you” or “You’re not as funny as you think.”
These comments often come disguised as helpful advice or jokes. The narcissist might even praise you publicly while undermining you privately, making it difficult to explain the abuse to others.
The contrast between how they once treated you and their current behavior creates cognitive dissonance. You stay in the relationship hoping to recapture that initial golden period, not realizing it was merely bait in a carefully set trap.
9. Future Faking
Grand promises flow easily from a narcissist’s lips – marriage, dream homes, exotic vacations, or career support that never materializes. These beautiful mirages keep you invested while they enjoy the benefits of the relationship without commitment.
They paint vivid pictures of your future together during moments when you might otherwise leave. Each promise acts as relationship glue, binding you to potential rather than reality.
Years can pass while you wait for these promises to come true. When confronted about unfulfilled plans, they’ll claim you misunderstood or accuse you of rushing them, creating an endless cycle of delayed dreams.
10. Smear Campaigns
Narcissists begin damaging your reputation long before you consider leaving them. They tell carefully crafted stories to friends, family, and colleagues that paint them as victims and you as unstable or abusive.
These campaigns often contain just enough truth to seem credible. A narcissist might share private struggles you’ve confided in them, twisting these vulnerabilities into weapons against your character.
The goal is isolation – ensuring you have no support system when you finally recognize their abuse. Many victims are shocked to discover that people they thought were mutual friends have heard horrible stories about them for years.
11. Control Through Guilt
“After everything I’ve done for you…” becomes the narcissist’s battle cry whenever you assert a boundary. They transform normal needs into unreasonable demands, making you feel selfish for basic self-care.
They keep detailed mental scorecards of every favor, gift, or sacrifice – real or imagined. These supposed debts are called in whenever you attempt to stand your ground on important issues.
Healthy relationships involve mutual support without keeping score. Narcissists, however, view relationships as transactional. Their “generosity” always comes with invisible strings attached, creating a sense of obligation that keeps you trapped in the relationship.
12. Intermittent Reinforcement
Perhaps the most addictive tactic in the narcissist’s arsenal is unpredictable kindness. One day they’re cruel, the next loving – creating a powerful trauma bond similar to gambling addiction.
Your brain becomes wired to chase those random moments of affection amid consistent mistreatment. You develop an almost supernatural ability to detect subtle mood shifts, always hoping to catch them in a good moment.
This psychological rollercoaster produces intense emotional highs when they’re kind, making the relationship feel more passionate than healthier connections. Many victims mistake this intensity for love, not recognizing it as a symptom of emotional abuse.