MomSkoop
Gaslighting is a sneaky form of manipulation that can leave you doubting your own memory, feelings, and reality. It happens more often than you might think—in friendships, romantic relationships, at work, or even within families. Recognizing the warning signs can help you protect yourself and trust your own experiences. Here are 11 clear ways to spot gaslighting when it happens in everyday conversations.
1. Denying Something You Remember Clearly
Have you ever recalled a specific conversation or event, only to have someone insist it never happened? This is a classic gaslighting tactic. The person might look you straight in the eye and say, “That never happened,” even when you know it did.
Over time, this kind of denial can make you question your own memory. You might start thinking you’re forgetful or confused. But if this pattern repeats, it’s not your memory that’s the problem—it’s their manipulation.
Trust yourself. If you clearly remember something, don’t let someone convince you otherwise. Your experiences are valid and real.
2. Minimizing or Dismissing Your Feelings
When you express how something made you feel, a gaslighter will often brush it off. They might say things like, “You’re overreacting,” or “It’s not that big of a deal.” By doing this, they’re telling you that your emotions don’t matter.
Your feelings are always valid, no matter what someone else thinks. Nobody gets to decide how you should feel about something. When someone constantly dismisses your emotions, they’re trying to control how you see situations.
Pay attention to how often this happens. If someone regularly tells you you’re overreacting, they might be trying to make you doubt your own emotional responses.
3. Blaming You Instead of Taking Responsibility
Gaslighters rarely admit when they’re wrong. Instead, they flip the script and make everything your fault. If they hurt you, they’ll find a way to blame you for causing the situation or for being too sensitive to their actions.
This tactic keeps them from ever having to apologize or change their behavior. You end up feeling guilty even when you did nothing wrong. It’s a way to avoid accountability while making you feel like the problem.
Healthy relationships involve mutual responsibility. If someone never takes the blame and always points the finger at you, that’s a red flag worth noticing.
4. Changing or Twisting the Story to Suit Their Narrative
A gaslighter will often retell events in a way that makes them look good and you look bad. They’ll leave out important details, add things that didn’t happen, or completely change the order of events. Their version becomes the “truth” they push.
This rewriting of history is confusing and disorienting. You might find yourself wondering if you remembered things correctly. But if their story keeps changing or doesn’t match what you know happened, trust your gut.
Keep notes or records if you need to. Sometimes having proof helps you stay grounded in reality when someone tries to twist the facts.
5. Saying You’re Imagining Things or It’s All in Your Head
One of the most harmful gaslighting phrases is, “You’re imagining things,” or “It’s all in your head.” This makes you question your perception of reality. The gaslighter wants you to believe you can’t trust your own mind.
Maybe you noticed something suspicious or felt uncomfortable about a situation. Instead of addressing your concerns, they convince you that you’re making things up. This tactic is designed to make you dependent on their version of reality.
Your instincts and observations are important. If something feels off, don’t ignore that feeling just because someone tells you it’s not real.
6. Using Jokes as Cover for Hurtful Remarks
“I was only joking!” is a common defense gaslighters use after saying something mean or offensive. They make a hurtful comment, and when you react, they act like you can’t take a joke. This puts you in a position where you feel like you’re being too serious.
Real jokes are funny to everyone involved. If a comment hurts you, it’s not a joke—it’s disguised cruelty. Gaslighters use humor as a shield so they can say whatever they want without consequences.
You have every right to call out hurtful remarks, even if someone claims they were kidding. Your feelings matter more than their excuse.
7. Telling You You’re Too Sensitive or Emotional to Reason
Calling someone “too sensitive” or “too emotional” is a way to invalidate their feelings and shut down conversations. Gaslighters use this to make you feel like your emotions are a flaw or weakness. They position themselves as the rational one while painting you as irrational.
Being emotional or sensitive isn’t a bad thing. It means you care and you’re in touch with your feelings. When someone uses this against you, they’re trying to silence you and avoid discussing the real issue.
Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed for having emotions. Your feelings are a natural and important part of who you are.
8. Accusing You of Always Making Things About Yourself
When you try to express your feelings or concerns, a gaslighter might accuse you of being selfish or self-centered. They say things like, “Why do you always make everything about you?” This deflects attention from their behavior and makes you feel guilty for speaking up.
It’s a clever trick because it discourages you from voicing your needs in the future. You start staying quiet to avoid being labeled as selfish. But standing up for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s healthy.
Everyone deserves to have their voice heard in a relationship. If someone constantly accuses you of being self-centered when you express yourself, they’re manipulating you.
9. Isolating You by Claiming Others Agree with Them Against You
Gaslighters often say things like, “Everyone thinks you’re overreacting,” or “Your friends agree with me.” They use imaginary allies to make you feel alone and outnumbered. This tactic isolates you and makes you doubt yourself even more.
Most of the time, these claims are exaggerated or completely false. The gaslighter wants you to believe that you’re the problem and everyone else sees it too. This increases their control over you.
If you’re unsure, reach out to those people directly. You might find that they never said what the gaslighter claimed. Don’t let someone use phantom opinions to manipulate you.
10. Playing the Victim to Shift Focus Away from Their Behavior
When confronted about their actions, a gaslighter will often flip the situation and act like they’re the one being attacked. They might cry, get angry, or act deeply hurt. Suddenly, you’re comforting them instead of addressing the original issue.
This victim act is a distraction tactic. It shifts the focus away from what they did wrong and puts you in the position of feeling guilty. You end up apologizing when you shouldn’t have to.
Stay focused on the issue at hand. If someone always turns the tables and makes themselves the victim, they’re avoiding accountability and manipulating your compassion.
11. Repeated Lying or Flat Denial of What Was Said or Done
Consistent lying is a hallmark of gaslighting. The person will deny saying or doing things even when you have clear evidence. They might lie about small things or big things, but the pattern is the same—they refuse to acknowledge the truth.
This constant dishonesty erodes your trust in your own perception. You start second-guessing everything because they seem so confident in their lies. But confidence doesn’t equal truth.
If someone repeatedly denies things you know happened, document what you can. Trust your memory and your reality. Repeated lying is a serious sign of manipulation and disrespect.