MomSkoop
Narcissists have a troubling ability to twist situations and make themselves appear as the wronged party, even when they’re the ones causing harm. They use clever tricks to manipulate emotions, confuse others, and escape responsibility for their actions.
Understanding these tactics can help you recognize manipulation when it happens and protect yourself from falling into their carefully laid traps.
1. Playing the Innocent
When caught red-handed, narcissists often put on an Academy Award-worthy performance of confusion and shock. Their eyes widen, their voice rises in disbelief, and suddenly they have no clue what you’re talking about.
This act serves a powerful purpose: it forces you to explain yourself over and over, making you question whether you’re overreacting. You might find yourself doubting your own perception of events.
The narcissist knows exactly what they did wrong, but pretending otherwise puts them in control. They make you work harder to prove your point while they sit back looking puzzled and hurt by your accusations.
2. Gaslighting
Imagine remembering a conversation clearly, only to have someone insist it never happened or went completely differently. That’s gaslighting, and narcissists are masters at it.
They’ll deny saying hurtful things, claim you’re remembering wrong, or insist events unfolded in ways that favor their narrative. Over time, this makes you doubt your own memory and sanity.
The goal is to destabilize your confidence in your own mind. When you can’t trust your memories, you become dependent on their version of reality, giving them enormous power over you and the relationship dynamic.
3. Blame Shifting
Try confronting a narcissist about their behavior, and watch how quickly they flip the script. Suddenly, you’re the problem, not them.
They have an uncanny talent for turning every accusation around, claiming they’re actually the victim of your criticism, coldness, or unreasonable expectations. Your valid concerns get buried under their counterattacks.
This tactic exhausts you emotionally because you never get resolution. Instead of addressing their harmful actions, you end up defending yourself against their accusations, leaving the original issue completely unresolved and forgotten.
4. Selective Memory
Narcissists have remarkably convenient memories. They remember every kind gesture they made and every slight against them, but somehow forget their own cruel words and broken promises.
When you bring up past incidents where they hurt you, they draw a complete blank or recall only the parts that paint them positively. It’s like their brain has an automatic filter.
This selective recall isn’t accidental—it’s strategic. By remembering only what benefits them, they build a false narrative where they’re always the generous, misunderstood hero while everyone else is ungrateful or mean.
5. Crying for Sympathy
Tears can be genuine expressions of pain, but narcissists weaponize them. When confronted or held accountable, they suddenly become emotional wrecks, crying about how misunderstood and mistreated they are.
These dramatic displays shift attention from their wrongdoing to their suffering. People around them rush to comfort rather than confront, which is exactly the reaction they want.
The tears serve as both shield and sword—protecting them from accountability while making you feel guilty for upsetting them. You end up consoling the person who should be apologizing to you, completely reversing the situation.
6. Smear Campaigns
Behind your back, narcissists work overtime to control the narrative. They tell friends, family, and coworkers exaggerated or completely fabricated stories about how you wronged them.
These smear campaigns are designed to isolate you and turn others against you. By the time you realize what’s happening, people already have a negative impression based on lies.
The narcissist positions themselves as the wounded party who’s been so patient and forgiving, while painting you as unstable, mean, or abusive. This preemptive strike protects their reputation and makes it harder for you to be believed.
7. Rewriting History
Did you argue because they forgot your birthday, or because you were being too demanding? According to the narcissist’s revised version, it’s definitely the latter.
They have an impressive ability to retell past events with themselves as the innocent victim and you as the aggressor. Details get changed, motivations get twisted, and suddenly history looks completely different.
This rewriting happens so smoothly that others who weren’t there might believe their version. Over time, even you might start questioning what really happened, especially when they tell the false story with such conviction and detail.
8. Playing the Martyr
Listen to a narcissist long enough, and you’ll hear about all their sacrifices. They do everything for everyone, give constantly, and receive nothing but ingratitude in return—or so they claim.
This martyr complex makes them seem noble and selfless while positioning everyone else as selfish and unappreciative. They sigh heavily about their burdens and remind you constantly of what they’ve done.
The reality is often quite different. Many of their supposed sacrifices were either minimal, self-serving, or things nobody asked them to do. But the martyr act earns sympathy and makes people feel obligated to them.
9. Projection
Here’s a strange pattern: narcissists often accuse you of exactly what they’re guilty of doing. If they’re lying, they’ll call you a liar. If they’re cheating, they’ll accuse you of infidelity.
This psychological projection serves multiple purposes. It deflects attention from their behavior, confuses you, and makes you defensive. While you’re busy proving you’re not a liar, nobody’s examining their dishonesty.
Projection also reveals their guilty conscience. They assume everyone operates like they do, so if they’re being manipulative, they believe you must be too. It’s a window into their mindset, even as they use it as a weapon.
10. Using Guilt as a Weapon
Try setting a boundary with a narcissist, and watch the guilt trip begin. Suddenly, you’re selfish, uncaring, or abandoning them in their time of need.
They’re experts at making you feel terrible for basic acts of self-care or self-respect. Saying no becomes agonizing because they make you feel like a bad person for having limits.
This weaponized guilt keeps you compliant and self-sacrificing. You end up prioritizing their needs over your own wellbeing because the emotional cost of refusing them feels too high. That’s exactly the control they want to maintain over you.