MomSkoop
Narcissists have a tricky way of making you feel valued at first, only to tear you down later. They’ll praise certain qualities about you, making it seem like they truly appreciate who you are.
But over time, those same traits become targets for subtle attacks and criticism.
Understanding this pattern can help you recognize toxic behavior and protect your sense of self-worth.
1. Confidence
At first, a narcissist might compliment your self-assurance and tell you how much they admire your ability to stand up for yourself. They act impressed by your strong presence and decisiveness. This makes you feel seen and appreciated.
However, once they feel secure in the relationship, they start chipping away at that confidence. They’ll call you arrogant or say you think you’re better than everyone else. Suddenly, your strength becomes a flaw in their eyes.
Their goal is to make you second-guess yourself constantly. When your confidence shrinks, they gain more control over you and the relationship dynamic shifts in their favor.
2. Independence
Your ability to handle things on your own initially attracts a narcissist. They might say they love how you don’t need anyone and can take care of yourself. This independence seems refreshing to them at the start.
But soon enough, they’ll twist this trait into something negative. They accuse you of being cold, distant, or not needing them enough. Your self-sufficiency threatens their need for control and attention.
They want you dependent on them for validation and decision-making. By undermining your independence, they try to keep you close and make you feel guilty for having your own life outside the relationship.
3. Competence
When you excel at something, narcissists may initially shower you with praise. They tell everyone about your talents and skills, almost like they’re showing you off. Your abilities make them look good by association.
Once the honeymoon phase ends, your competence becomes threatening to them. They start downplaying your achievements or taking credit for your success. Sometimes they’ll even sabotage your projects or opportunities.
Narcissists can’t handle anyone outshining them for long. They need to be the center of attention and the most accomplished person in the room, so your skills eventually become competition rather than something to celebrate.
4. Authenticity
Being real and honest about who you are might seem appealing to a narcissist initially. They claim to love that you’re not fake or trying to impress anyone. Your authenticity feels like a breath of fresh air to them.
But genuine people are harder to manipulate and control. Soon, they start criticizing you for being too blunt or not knowing how to play the game. They make you feel like your honesty is actually rudeness.
Your refusal to wear a mask threatens their carefully constructed image. They prefer people who adapt to their needs, so your authentic self becomes an inconvenience they try to reshape or dismiss.
5. Kindness and Compassion
Your caring nature draws narcissists in like moths to a flame. They praise your big heart and tell you how rare it is to find someone so giving. They make you believe they truly value your compassion.
Over time, though, they exploit this trait mercilessly. They call you weak, overly sensitive, or a pushover when you show empathy to others. Your kindness gets twisted into naivety or stupidity in their narrative.
They use your compassionate nature against you, knowing you’ll forgive their bad behavior. Your empathy becomes a tool they manipulate while simultaneously mocking it as a character weakness that holds you back.
6. Loyalty
Did you know that narcissists specifically seek out loyal people because they make the most reliable sources of supply? Your devotion to people you care about seems wonderful to them at first. They tell you loyalty is everything and that they admire your dedication.
But your loyalty becomes a trap they spring on you. They demand absolute allegiance while giving none in return. When you show loyalty to anyone else, they become jealous and accusatory.
Eventually, they frame your loyalty as blind foolishness or doormat behavior. They want you loyal only to them while they feel free to betray you repeatedly without consequence or guilt.
7. Emotional Stability
Narcissists often feel drawn to emotionally stable people because your calmness provides a steadying influence they lack. They’ll compliment how you never overreact and stay level-headed during stressful situations. Your emotional balance seems attractive and mature.
As time passes, they work hard to destabilize you. They create drama, provoke arguments, and push your buttons intentionally. When you finally react emotionally, they act shocked and call you crazy or unstable.
Their mission is to make you as chaotic as they feel inside. By destroying your emotional stability, they validate their own dysfunction and gain ammunition to use against you in future conflicts.
8. Humility
Your humble nature might seem refreshing to a narcissist who’s surrounded by people competing for attention. They say they appreciate that you don’t brag or seek the spotlight constantly. Your modesty appears charming and admirable.
Before long, they reframe your humility as low self-esteem or lack of ambition. They mock you for not promoting yourself enough or accuse you of having no backbone. Your modesty becomes something to ridicule.
Humble people make narcissists uncomfortable because they highlight the narcissist’s desperate need for validation. Your contentment without constant praise exposes their insecurity, so they attack what they secretly wish they possessed themselves.
9. Creativity and Originality
Creative minds fascinate narcissists initially because your originality makes them seem more interesting by association. They boast about your talents to others and act like your biggest supporter. Your unique perspective seems to excite and inspire them.
Eventually, your creativity threatens their ego. They start dismissing your ideas as weird, impractical, or attention-seeking. They may even steal your concepts and present them as their own original thoughts.
Original thinkers are harder to control because you don’t follow conventional patterns. Narcissists prefer predictability, so they work to stifle your creativity and make you doubt your innovative instincts and artistic vision.
10. Success
When you achieve something significant, narcissists initially bask in reflected glory. They proudly tell others about your accomplishments as if they played a major role. Your success makes them look good, so they temporarily celebrate it.
But success that doesn’t involve them becomes intolerable. They minimize your achievements, remind you of past failures, or create problems that distract from your victories. Your wins must always be shared or overshadowed by theirs.
They simply cannot handle you thriving independently. Your success threatens their superiority complex, so they systematically undermine your confidence and achievements to keep themselves positioned as the star of every story.