MomSkoop
Have you ever felt like someone was cheering you on, only to realize later they were quietly working against you?
Some people wear the mask of friendship while slowly undermining your confidence and success.
Recognizing these behaviors early can protect your peace and help you invest your energy in relationships that truly matter.
1. They Downplay Your Wins
You worked hard for months and finally landed that promotion.
Instead of celebrating with you, they brush it off like it’s no big deal.
Maybe they say you got lucky or that anyone could have done it.
Real friends amplify your victories, not shrink them.
When someone consistently minimizes your achievements, they’re showing you how they really feel about your success.
It stings because you want them to be happy for you.
Pay attention to how people react when good things happen to you.
Genuine support looks like excitement and pride, not dismissal or distraction.
Your wins deserve to be celebrated, not explained away.
2. They Give Backhanded Compliments
“Wow, you’re actually pretty smart!” Sounds like a compliment, right?
Look closer.
That word “actually” carries a hidden message that they expected less from you.
These wrapped-up insults are designed to keep you off balance.
You can’t quite call them out because technically they said something nice.
But you feel the sting anyway, and that’s intentional.
Someone truly in your corner doesn’t need to add surprise or comparison to their praise.
They compliment you directly without the side of doubt.
When every nice thing comes with a barb attached, that’s your signal to step back.
3. They Plant Quiet Doubt About You
Behind closed doors, they’re questioning your abilities to others.
They frame it as concern, saying things like “I’m just worried she can’t handle this project.” It sounds caring, but it’s actually poisoning the well.
This subtle sabotage is hard to trace back to them.
By the time you hear about it, your reputation has already taken hits you didn’t see coming.
People start doubting you without knowing why.
True allies defend you when you’re not in the room.
They build you up to others, not tear you down under the disguise of worry.
Trust your gut when things feel off about someone’s “concern.”
4. They Withhold Key Information
The meeting got moved up?
Nobody told you.
Plans changed for the group project?
You’re the last to know.
Information that directly affects you somehow never makes it to your inbox.
Being left out of important loops isn’t accidental when it happens repeatedly.
Someone is choosing not to keep you informed, and that choice puts you at a disadvantage.
You end up looking unprepared or out of touch through no fault of your own.
People who want you to succeed make sure you have what you need to succeed.
That includes information.
Consistent exclusion from updates is a clear sign someone doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
5. They Subtly Rewrite History
Remember when you handled that difficult client perfectly?
They now tell the story like you panicked and they had to save the day.
Your memory says one thing, but they’re painting a completely different picture.
This gaslighting makes you question your own experiences.
Over time, you start doubting your version of events, which is exactly what they want.
It’s a power move disguised as a simple disagreement about the past.
Document important moments and trust your recollection of events.
When someone consistently rewrites history to make themselves look better and you look worse, they’re manipulating the narrative for their benefit, not supporting you.
6. They Create Plausible Deniability
Their comments always have just enough wiggle room that they can escape accountability. “I didn’t mean it that way” becomes their favorite phrase.
The insult was clear to you, but they’ve built in an escape hatch.
This calculated ambiguity is exhausting to deal with.
You know what they meant, but proving it feels impossible.
They’ve mastered the art of planting seeds of negativity while maintaining innocence.
Real friends communicate clearly and own their words.
They don’t hide behind vague statements that can be interpreted multiple ways.
When someone consistently plays the misunderstanding card, they’re playing you.
7. They Compete Instead of Collaborate
Every shared project becomes a quiet battle.
Instead of working together toward a common goal, they’re tracking who gets more credit or looks better.
What should be teamwork feels like a constant competition.
You notice they hold back ideas or resources that could help the team, saving them for moments when they can shine alone.
Collaboration requires trust and generosity, but they’re playing a different game entirely.
Strong relationships lift everyone up together.
When someone turns every opportunity into a contest where only one person can win, they’ve shown you they value being above you more than being beside you.
8. They Highlight Your Mistakes Publicly
Made a small error?
They’ll point it out in front of everyone.
But when you do something right, they acknowledge it privately where nobody else can hear.
This pattern is no coincidence.
Public criticism combined with private praise is a control tactic.
It keeps you feeling small and grateful for their rare approval.
Meanwhile, others only see your mistakes through their magnifying glass.
Supportive people handle corrections with discretion and celebrate your wins openly.
They want others to see you shine, not stumble.
If someone’s feedback pattern is backward, so is their loyalty to you.
9. They Triangulate
Instead of talking to you directly about an issue, they complain to someone else who then comes to you.
They create a triangle of communication that breeds confusion and conflict.
You’re left defending yourself against secondhand complaints.
This manipulation tactic keeps them looking innocent while stirring up drama.
They get to voice their grievances without taking responsibility for them.
Meanwhile, relationships around you start feeling strained and complicated.
Healthy communication is direct and honest.
When someone consistently uses other people as messengers or allies against you, they’re building coalitions instead of bridges.
That’s not friendship; that’s strategy.
10. They Mirror Support But Act Otherwise
To your face, they’re your biggest cheerleader.
They tell you to go for that opportunity and that you’ll be amazing.
Then you find out they told someone else you’re not ready or not the right fit.
This two-faced behavior is particularly damaging because it makes you trust them with your hopes and plans.
You open up, believing they’re on your team, while they’re actually working against you behind the scenes.
Actions reveal truth better than words.
Watch what people do when they think you’re not watching.
If their behavior contradicts their encouraging words, believe the behavior every single time.
11. They Test Your Boundaries
Small dismissals start appearing.
They interrupt you mid-sentence or make jokes at your expense.
When you express discomfort, they tell you you’re too sensitive.
These aren’t accidents; they’re tests.
They’re checking how much disrespect you’ll tolerate.
Each time you let something slide, they push a little further.
Your confidence erodes gradually as these tiny violations add up over time.
Boundaries exist to protect your dignity and peace.
Someone who genuinely cares respects your limits without making you feel bad for having them.
Constant testing means they’re looking for weaknesses, not building friendship.
12. They Subtly Isolate You
Invitations to lunch stop coming your way.
The group chat you used to be in has gone quiet, or maybe there’s a new one you’re not part of.
You discover opportunities and social events after they’ve already happened.
This gradual isolation is strategic.
By cutting you off from networks and relationships, they weaken your position and support system.
You become easier to undermine when you’re standing alone.
True friends include you and connect you with others.
They expand your circle, not shrink it.
When someone consistently leaves you out while maintaining their own connections, they’re building walls around you, not bridges toward you.