MomSkoop
Mom groups can be lifesavers when you’re navigating the wild world of parenting.
They offer advice, companionship, and a sense of belonging during those sleepless nights and chaotic days.
But sometimes, what starts as a supportive circle can shift into something unhealthy.
Therapists say there are clear warning signs when a mom group has turned toxic, and recognizing them can help you protect your mental health and find the support you truly deserve.
1. Gossip Becomes the Main Event
When every conversation turns into a session of talking behind other moms’ backs, something has gone seriously wrong.
A healthy group uplifts and encourages, but toxic ones thrive on negativity and rumors.
You might notice members sharing private information about others or making cruel jokes at someone’s expense.
This kind of gossip creates an atmosphere of distrust and fear.
You start wondering what people say about you when you’re not around.
Instead of feeling supported, you feel anxious and on edge.
Real friendships don’t require tearing others down to build themselves up.
If negativity dominates your group chats and meetups, it’s a red flag worth taking seriously.
2. You’re Constantly Editing Yourself
Authentic friendships let you be yourself without fear of judgment.
But in a toxic mom group, you might find yourself rehearsing what you’ll say before you speak.
You hide your true opinions, downplay your struggles, or pretend to agree with things you don’t actually believe in.
This constant self-monitoring is exhausting.
You deserve friends who appreciate the real you, not a carefully curated version.
When you can’t share your honest thoughts or feelings, the connection becomes shallow and unfulfilling.
Notice if you feel relief when you’re away from the group.
That’s your mind and body telling you something important about the relationship’s health.
3. Your Values Don’t Match Theirs
Maybe the group constantly makes jokes that clash with your beliefs, or their parenting priorities feel completely opposite to yours.
Perhaps they pressure you to spend money you don’t have or judge choices that align with your family’s values.
This misalignment creates constant internal conflict.
You shouldn’t have to compromise your core beliefs to fit in.
Healthy friendships respect differences and create space for various perspectives.
When a group expects conformity that goes against who you are, it’s not the right fit.
Therapists emphasize that surrounding yourself with people who share or respect your values is essential for emotional wellbeing and authentic connection.
4. Every Interaction Drains Your Energy
Good friendships should energize you, even when conversations get deep or emotional.
But toxic groups leave you feeling completely wiped out after every interaction.
You might dread checking the group chat or feel exhausted after meetups instead of refreshed and supported.
This emotional drainage happens because toxic dynamics require constant vigilance.
You’re managing others’ moods, walking on eggshells, or dealing with unnecessary drama.
That’s not what friendship should feel like.
Pay attention to how you feel before, during, and after spending time with the group.
Your emotional response is valuable data about whether this relationship serves you well.
5. You’re Mysteriously Left Out
Suddenly you notice photos from playdates you weren’t invited to.
Group plans happen in side chats you’re not part of.
When you bring it up, you get vague excuses or outright denial.
This pattern of exclusion is a classic sign of toxic group behavior.
Being deliberately left out is hurtful and creates feelings of inadequacy.
It’s middle school behavior dressed up in adult clothing.
Healthy friend groups communicate openly about plans and make efforts to include everyone, or they’re honest about smaller gatherings.
Consistent exclusion isn’t accidental.
It’s a power play that has no place in genuine, supportive friendships among adults.
6. Judgment Replaces Support
Instead of encouragement, you receive criticism disguised as concern.
Your parenting choices get questioned, your appearance gets commented on, or your life decisions receive unsolicited advice delivered with a condescending tone.
Every share feels like an opportunity for others to point out what you’re doing wrong.
Supportive friends ask questions to understand, not to judge.
They offer help without making you feel small.
When a group consistently makes you feel inadequate or like you’re failing, that’s toxicity at work.
You deserve friends who celebrate your wins and support you through challenges without making everything about your supposed shortcomings.
7. Competition Overtakes Connection
Every conversation becomes a subtle contest.
Whose child walked first, who has the cleanest house, who manages work-life balance better.
The group feels less like a support network and more like a constant performance where everyone’s trying to prove they’re winning at motherhood.
This competitive atmosphere destroys genuine connection.
You can’t be vulnerable about struggles when everyone’s busy one-upping each other.
Real friendship celebrates each person’s successes without treating them as threats.
Motherhood is hard enough without turning it into a competition.
Groups that foster comparison rather than compassion have lost sight of what support actually means.
8. Conversations Stay Frustratingly Shallow
You keep hoping for deeper connection, but every conversation circles back to the same surface-level topics.
The group obsesses over maintaining perfect appearances or discusses only safe, superficial subjects.
When you try to go deeper or share real struggles, you’re met with awkward silence or quick topic changes.
Meaningful friendships require vulnerability and depth.
If the group can’t handle authentic conversation, it’s not providing the emotional support you need.
Surface-level chat has its place, but not as the only mode of interaction.
Therapists note that avoiding depth often signals fear of genuine intimacy or judgment within the group’s culture.
9. It Feels Like High School All Over Again
There’s a clear social hierarchy with popular members and outcasts.
Cliques form within the larger group.
Drama erupts over small slights, and people take sides like teenagers.
You thought you left this behavior behind decades ago, but here it is again, complete with mean girls and power struggles.
Adult friendships shouldn’t replicate adolescent social dynamics.
Healthy groups treat all members with equal respect and handle conflicts maturely.
When you feel transported back to your awkward teenage years, something’s seriously wrong.
You’ve grown and matured since high school.
Your friendships should reflect that growth, not regress to outdated, hurtful patterns of behavior.
10. The Group Consumes Your Thoughts
Even when you’re not with them, you’re thinking about them.
You replay conversations, worry about what you said, stress about upcoming interactions, or feel angry about how you’ve been treated.
The group occupies mental space that should belong to more positive things.
This obsessive thinking is your brain trying to process an unhealthy situation.
When relationships are good, they don’t dominate your thoughts with anxiety and negativity.
You think about them fondly, not obsessively.
Therapists recognize this pattern as a sign your nervous system is responding to threat.
Your mind knows something isn’t right, even if you haven’t consciously admitted it yet.